


Out for the Season (Or, How Kissing Jim Kirk Made Hikaru Gay – For Someone Else)

by cordelianne



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 22:26:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordelianne/pseuds/cordelianne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High School AU. Hikaru’s parents think getting him a foreign exchange student will be a great idea. Hikaru thinks otherwise.</p>
<p>Warning: Jim Kirk is a sneaky scene stealer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Undying thanks to [](http://savoytruffle.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://savoytruffle.livejournal.com/)**savoytruffle** for her invaluable beta and brilliant title… especially since Chekov/Sulu isn’t really her thing.

This is the year when Hikaru fucks up his knee playing basketball.

When he starts blowing off classes.

When he meets Jim Kirk.

This is the year when he smokes pot and makes out with boys – because of Jim. Of course.

When his parents worry about him.

When his teachers sigh at him as if to say, “You can do better,” because an A- minus is so disappointing.

This is the year Hikaru falls in love.

 

***

 

“Want to make out?”

Jim’s head is tipped back as he exhales toward the open sun roof. He asks Hikaru in the same easy way he’d asked if Hikaru wanted a joint a few minutes ago.

“Yeah, sure,” Hikaru replies, repeating _his_ own easy acquiesce. And then the terror hits. “Wait! McCoy. Won’t he, like, kick my ass?”

“Pfft.” Jim waves his hand while passing Hikaru the joint, as if the very idea that his Pre-Med boyfriend is fucking scary is ridiculous. “We’ve got an open thing.”

“Ahh,” Hikaru says, like he’s cool and knows about these things.

“You worry too much,” Jim breathes into his mouth.

The kiss is slow and smoky.

It doesn’t make Hikaru want to jump Jim, but it does make him want to do it more.

Hikaru’s seen the videos in health class warning him about ‘gateway drugs.’

They covered pot, but they forgot to mention Jim Kirk. He’s way more dangerous.

 

 

 

Hikaru’s parents don’t need to be warned about the dangers of Jim, they already know.

They’ve been warning Hikaru about him for months now.

It’s annoying.

And why he’s tip-toeing to his room right now.

It would help if their house was bigger and his mom didn’t have hawk-like ears. Seriously, the woman _always_ knows when he’s up to something. It’s like she has special mom radar.

It’s a scary thought.

Almost as scary as his mom whispering, “Is that you Hikaru?” Hikaru nearly jumps out of his skin. It’s a silly question. As if Mariko is back from college and he’s not the only one who’d be sneaking by her room. “Home so late.”

“Sorry mom,” he whispers back, from the doorway (no way is he going near her still reeking of pot). “Have a good night.”

“You too, dear. Don’t forget to brush your teeth.”

He wants to hit his head against the wall. As if at seventeen he still needs reminding. But what can he say besides, “Yes, mom.”

When he crashes on his bed he’s tempted to just pass out and ignore her reminder. But she’d know, of course she’d know.

She probably knows he’s kissing boys – well, just Jim Kirk – and smoking pot.

The thought kills any chance of jerking off, so he drags himself through the mom-approved nightly routine before calling it a night.

 

 

 

He drags himself to school, too.

His knee is hurting.

It’s like every step is reminding him that he dislocated his kneecap. That he dislocated his life.

Of course it had to happen in a pickup basketball game in the middle of football season. Not that he’s big into football. It just kills time before the basketball and baseball seasons.

But it’s something.

Jim keeps telling him he doesn’t need it. Can use the time to find himself or some such shit that Jim spews now and then.

Hikaru’s skeptical. Seventeen seems too young for a ‘journey of self-discovery’. But all Jim really seems to means by self-discovery is smoking pot and hanging out, and that’s been okay.

First week back and he’s wishing school was still out for summer.

 

 

 

Dinner is weird.

The food is fine, but his parents aren’t.

They’re smiling at Hikaru the way they do when they’re trying to be pleasant with his dad’s older irresponsible brother.

“Okay,” Hikaru puts down his water, “why are you guys being weird?”

“Weird?” His mother laughs, her very fake laugh. “Yuji, isn’t that funny that Hikaru thinks we’re being weird?”

“Jane,” his dad rubs his forehead, “you are being weird, as he says. We might as well just tell him.”

“What? Tell me what?” Hikaru’s hears his voice getting higher. His mind plays worst case scenarios: they’re getting a divorce, or worse, they know he smokes pot.

“We’re worried about you, dear.” Mom pats his hand.

“Uh huh.” This sounds less like some new awful revelation and more like the same old, same old. His shoulders untense most of the way.

“We know how you miss Mariko.”

“Uh.” Not so much.

“And how this injury has hit you hard.” His mom stands and crosses to the buffet. “And how hard it is to be a teenager, although when we were teenagers it was a very –”

“Jane!” his dad huffs. “Stop beating around the bush, just tell the kid.”

“Tell me _what_?”

“Nothing to be alarmed about.” She places a pamphlet in front of him.

There’s a picture of two guys shaking hands and smiling. Oh god, they’re going to de-gay him. How do they know? _Hikaru_ doesn’t even know for sure yet. Although he’s pretty sure. Like 88% sure.

“We are getting an exchange student!” his mom continues. “A lovely-sounding boy who is very focused on his studies and school.”

Okay, why does this feel weirder than if they were just planning to de-gay him?

“So... you’re getting me an exchange student?” Hikaru feels like he’s speaking in slow motion. “What the fu-uh, I mean, crap, what does that even mean?”

“Well there’s this genius boy in Russia who needs to impr –”

“Your mother’s worried about you, son,” his dad interrupts again, unsurprisingly. “You need a good influence, someone who cares about their _future_.” He levels a stern gaze at Hikaru. “This kid sounds like he fits the bill.”

“Uh.” Hikaru still has nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

His mom is never at a loss for words. “He arrives tomorrow. We’ll greet him at the airport,” she says in the ‘everything is settled tone’ she has. And it does sound like everything _is_ settled. “He’ll be staying in your sister’s old room for the school year.”

“You guys did this without talking to – wait, did you say for the school _year_?” His voice is rising again. “This isn’t just a few weeks?”

“For the year,” his dad says. “You mom and I have thought about this and have weighed the pros and cons, and the pros won. He’ll be a good influence and we’ll be amply compensated for his stay here.”

“Yuji,” his mom admonishes, “this is not about the money, this is about a cultural exchange and Hikaru having someone to spend good clean fun with, in between studying.”

“Gee, thanks mom.”

“You’re welcome, honey.” She kisses him on the forehead and that is that.

He needs to work on his sarcasm.

And on getting the parents to see him as someone who gets input.

Plus, what the fuck is he going to do with some foreign exchange nerd?

This is going to cramp Hikaru’s already limited style.

Which is exactly what his mom wants, he has no doubt. She is diabolical. Although, if there’s anything to actually motivate him to work hard on his grades, it’s getting into a college far far away from here.

In a futile gesture of rebellion, he gets out his porn and jerks off before bed.

Gotta get pleasure while he still can.

 

 

 

After his morning shower, Hikaru peeks into Mariko’s old room. Her trophies and awards are still there. As are her stuffed animals and class pictures.

Clearly his mom doesn’t want this kid getting _too_ comfortable.

Or she just isn’t ready to let go of the Mariko shrine yet.

The only difference he can spot is that there’s a plain green comforter instead of the Hello Kitty one. At least she made one concession.

Hopefully she changed the matching sheets.

It’s almost enough to make Hikaru feel bad for the exchange student, whose name he realizes he doesn’t even know. He comes halfway across the world and gets to live in the shrine to the successful older sibling.

Probably not what the guy is envisioning.

“Mom!”

She appears beside him with a scary speed – another special mom skill no doubt. “Shouldn’t you be dressed by now? We leave for the airport in ten minutes.”

“Where is the exchange student supposed to put his stuff?” He waves his hand. “All Mariko’s crap is still in here. Not exactly welcoming, is it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She folds her arms. “The closet is empty and the desk is clear. How many things can one boy have? Besides, where would you have me put your sisters’ things?”

“Um, away?”

“We do not put away accomplishments in this house.”

“Okay, okay.” Hikaru raises his hands. He knows when he’s lost. “Getting dressed now.”

He retreats to his room.

 

 

 

The airport waiting area is crowded. There’s a screaming kid, making himself heard over the endless announcements. A guy stands with flowers and balloons, looking like he’s at the end of a romantic comedy.

Hikaru shuffles from foot to foot, wishing the flight would clear Customs already.

His mom has a sign with _Pavel Chekov_ written on it, which she’s holding up anxiously peering at every guy who walks by, young and old.

At least he knows the guy’s name now.

Hikaru rolls his eyes and wishes for coffee. But there’s no point even suggesting he make a coffee run. Mom will nix the idea, just _in case_ Pavel arrives in the two minutes Hikaru is gone, and they will have missed those precious few minutes of meeting time.

He’s in the middle of stifling a yawn when he spots Pavel.

Hikaru’s not sure exactly how, but he just _knows_ it’s Pavel.

There’s something about the curls and the skinny gangly gait that has Hikaru pulling on his mom’s sleeve just as Pavel spots the sign and heads directly for them.

The kid is obviously still growing into himself. He looks like he’ll trip over his legs and arms at any second. He also seems at least a year younger than Hikaru. And dresses like the biggest dork ever with now-wrinkled pleated pants, a polo shirt and huge running shoes.

But he has a bright smile that has Hikaru smiling back before he can really think about it.

His mom is all business and hustling them to the pick-up area. Dad has been circling to save parking costs, of course.

It turns out that mom may be right about Pavel not bringing much. There’s just one suitcase and his laptop bag. The suitcase is heavy though, and he helps Pavel heave it in the trunk.

He lets mom helm the conversation during the ride and closes his eyes.

 

 

 

Hikaru is surprised when they pull up in front of the school. He figures Pavel needs to sleep – it was a twenty plus hour trip with two stopovers. If Hikaru’s tired then Pavel must be.

But no, he’s _bouncing_ out of the car like he’s actually excited about school.

Which makes some sense since that’s the reason for him being here but, still, dorky.

Oh god, now Hikaru’s going to be seen and associated with the dorky and eager foreign exchange student. His social life is over.

He can hear it flat-lining now.

It’s restarted briefly when his mom waves him off to class and accompanies Pavel to the counsellor’s office. Apparently Mr. Spock is behind all of this. Hikaru’s sure he could list a zillion logical reasons why Hikaru should be pleased about this experience.

But he doesn’t care how cute (he shudders) Jim thinks Mr. Spock and all of his logic are, Hikaru thinks Mr. Spock is a moron.

“You’re a moron.” Since he can’t insult Mr. Spock he settles for Jim instead. “I’ve told you that before, right?”

“Whoa, man.” Jim pushes off the locker he was leaning on. “It’s way too early for hostility. And what’d I do anyway?”

Hikaru sighs and pushes a hand through his hair. “Nothing. It’s my parents, Mr. Spock, and some Russian kid who are ruining my life.”

“Mr. Spock.” Jim visibly lights up. “Did I tell you about the time when – ”

“When he said you’re not living up to your potential?” Hikaru finishes for him. “Yeah, maybe once or twice.”

“I have _potential._ ”

Hikaru rolls his eyes. “ _Anyway_ , they signed me up to host a fucking foreign exchange student. A _kid_. Some genius or something.”

“Oh man, that is _awesome_.” Jim laughs. “It’ll totally cramp your style.”

“I know!” He’s pleased that Jim thinks he has style.

“Oh no.” Jim stops. “He’s not going to be hanging out with us, is he? He’s not going to cramp _my_ style, is he?”

“Oh yes, let’s worry about you.” Hikaru slides into a seat beside Jim. “Besides, it’s not like I want to hang out – wait, this _is_ your fault!”

“What?” Jim does an impressive imitation of Scarlett O’Hara, faux gasp and all. “Little old me?”

“My parents want a better influence in my life because they’re worried about what a _bad_ influence you are.”

“They should be.” Jim waggles his eyebrows.

Sulu rolls his eyes and slinks down in the hopes it’ll help him evade answering questions about proper grammatical structures for essays.

Great, his weakest subject and it’s the one the new genius in his house will be no help with.

He’s seeing no upside here.

 

 

 

Things are still looking down when he walks into Calculus and Pavel is sitting beside his usual seat and waving.

He jumps up when Hikaru approaches. “Teacher said this is your seat.” He points to it with an oddly Vanna White gesture. “We sit together, yes?”

He’s smiling, all bright and eager and Hikaru knows he can’t say ‘no’ without feeling like the biggest douche.

“Yeah, sure.” He dumps his books and slinks down in the seat. “So, uh, all set up and everything?”

Pavel’s brow furrows.

“Ready for school? With a schedule and all?”

“Oh! Schedule? Yes! Here.” Pavel passes it to him with a flourish.

“Huh.” The schedule is basically Hikaru’s schedule. The only class they don’t have together is English since Pavel’s in a special one. They even have freakin’ Phys Ed together. Great, just great.

“Many classes together, yes?”

“Oh yeah.”

It’s going to be a long year.

 

 

 

All day he can’t look over his shoulder without Pavel being there. He even followed Hikaru into the restroom, which freaked Hikaru out.

He wonders if this is how Mariko felt like when he was a kid: a living, breathing shadow trailing behind.

Hikaru can feel Pavel hovering just to his right while he digs in his locker for his shoulder bag.

“Hikaru, so what’s the plan?” Jim appears on his left side. “Sex, drugs and rock’n’roll?”

“I thought you were the man with the plans.” He shoves his gym shoes under some books. “And I’m the fool who goes along with them.”

“You are the fool, that’s true.” When Hikaru stands up, Jim is extending his hand to Pavel. “You must be the new guy. Jim Kirk.”

Did Jim just _wink_? Of course he did, why is this even a surprise?

Pavel’s too busy enthusiastically shaking Jim’s hand to notice. “Very pleased to meet. I am Pavel Andreveich Chekov. You are Hikaru’s boyfriend, yes?”

Hikaru barely restrains himself from hitting his head against the locker door. “No, no, no.”

Jim barks with laughter.

“A world of nos.” Hikaru can’t stop the denial.

Pavel’s brow is furrowed its yet deepest today. “He is not friend?”

“Ohhhhhhh.” Hikaru again ponders introducing his head to the locker door. Jim just laughs harder. “Yes, friends. Not dating, though.”

“He broke my heart,” Jim says with impressive seriousness, considering he was doubled over with laughter a few seconds ago. “Says I’m out of his league even though I’ve told him a million times that I’m happy to settle.”

“Yeah,” Hikaru scoffs. “ _You’re_ the one who’s too good for _me_.”

Pavel’s head moves back and forth between the two of them, like he’s watching a tennis match.

“Sorry.” Hikaru figures Pavel has no idea what they’re talking about. “Jim _is_ my friend. He’s an idiot, but he’s my friend.”

“Okay.” Pavel nods. “We do drugs and roll now?”

Hikaru barely restrains a groan. Jim, however, reminds Hikaru why he can’t help loving the guy because he laughs and slings an arm around Pavel. “Think I might like having you around, Chekov.”

 

 

 

At dinner that night, Hikaru does not like having Pavel around.

Apparently Pavel believes in telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him god.

Which means that his mom asking, “How was your day boys?” is a very dangerous question.

It starts off in good territory: “Very well! Teachers are nice and subjects interesting. Hikaru and I are in many classes together. We see much of each other.”

Hikaru shovels rice into his mouth.

It starts to go bad: “I also meet his friend Jim Kirk.”

Hikaru just manages not to spit out his water.

“Oh reaaally? How nice.” Mom leans forward.

And then things get ugly: “Yes! He is very friendly. He took us in his car and showed me how fast it can go! Did you know that it goes 120 miles, um...” He looks at Hikaru. “What is the word?”

Hikaru finishes choking on his salmon and manages. “Oh, you just mean that Jim showed you on the _odometer_ the car’s maximum speed.” He wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Jim _always_ drives well within the speed limit.”

His parents look sceptical. Pavel looks perplexed.

“But didn’t he say that he likes to see how fast the – ?”

“Okay!” Hikaru says, standing up. “Thanks for the great dinner, mom. Sorry to eat and run but I promised Pavel I’d set him up on the wireless network and he told me he’s _super_ tired and will be crashing right after that. Let’s go, Pavel.”

At least Pavel understands Hikaru’s ‘let’s get out of here _now_ ’ head gesture and also stands to thank his parents and apologize profusely.

Hikaru literally drags him from the room and up the stairs.

 

 

 

Once his bedroom door is firmly closed, Hikaru releases Pavel and sinks down on his bed. He gestures for Pavel to do the same.

“What did...? Why...?” Pavel touches Hikaru’s sleeves. “I do not understand.”

Hikaru runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry, man, didn’t mean to confuse you. It’s just I don’t tell my parents _everything_ I do. Especially the things that they won’t approve of. Like Jim speeding or smoking, that kind of thing. You know what I mean?”

“I do not know what you mean.” Pavel tilts his head. “Honesty is best policy, yes?”

“Do you tell your parents everything you do?”

“Of course!” Pavel looks horrified that he _wouldn’t_.

“Seriously, but what if you skip school?”

“Skip?”

“Like don’t go to class.”

“I always go to class.”

“Okay, what about if you get a bad grade?”

“I receive top marks. Only one time I got less than top mark and that was in painting and drawing?” Pavel swirls his hand in the air.

“Art?”

“Yes, Art, and I told parents and they spoke to teacher and mark was changed.”

Okay, so the guy’s a total overachiever school-wise. “But what about stuff you do with friends?”

“Friends?” Pavel actually scratches his head. “We study or go to cinema.”

“Okay, but I bet you don’t tell them about, you know, masturbation.”

The instant the words are out of his mouth, Hikaru regrets it. He can hear Pavel at breakfast: _Thank you for the eggs, Mrs. Sulu. And yes, I did have a nice chat with Hikaru last night. We talked about lying, skipping school and masturbation._

“Master... masterbathe? What does this mean?”

Whew, dodged a bullet this time. “Forget it, in fact, forget everything we just talked about. How about you get your laptop and we’ll get that wireless hooked up for you?”

“Oh, yes. Okay.”

Pavel leaves looking lost which makes Hikaru feel like the biggest jerk. Great, now he has to worry about what No-Filter Pavel will say to his folks _and_ not hurting the kid’s feelings.

When Pavel doesn’t return in a few minutes, Hikaru checks Pavel’s room. He’s fast asleep face down on the bed. Clothes and shoes still on.

At least this confirms the kid is actually human.

Hikaru takes off Pavel’s shoes and throws a blanket on him. Writes down the password and sticks it on top of the laptop bag.

He definitely doesn’t notice how soft Pavel’s skin looks.

Or how his cheeks are flushed with just a hint of red.

Or how sweet he looks when he’s asleep.

Nope, definitely not noticing.

He closes the door firmly behind him.

 

 

 

Hikaru doesn’t sleep well and is grumpy the next day.

The grumpiness is not helped by Pavel shadowing his every move.

He practically has to peel Pavel off him and shove him into his English class so Hikaru can have his one Pavel-free period. He’s just about to take a breath of freedom when some of his asshole former teammates wander by, snickering. Hikaru’s glad that he never liked these guys even when they liked him.

“Saying goodbye to your boyfriend, Sulu?” Sam calls.

Hikaru knows that Sam always resented Hikaru’s basketball skills and wanted his starter position, but the dig still stings.

“Now, now, you all know he’s _my_ boyfriend.” It’s Jim. He slings an arm around Hikaru’s shoulder, his other hand holding a coffee cup, sunglasses perched on his head. “Hands off, boys.”

It’s times like these that Hikaru wants to kiss Jim but they are in a high school hallway. Instead he says, “You have impeccable timing. You know that, right?”

“I know I do, pookie monkey.”

Hikaru does a double take – he’s read about them but never done one before. “Did – did you...?” He takes a breath and swallows a hysterical giggle. “Did you just call me pookie monkey? Pookie _monkey?_ ”

“You like it?” Jim flashes him a grin. “ _Bones_ hates endearments, so thought I’d try some choice ones out on you.”

“Uh.”

“That one just came to me,” Jim continues like Hikaru gave a coherent response. “Based on your reaction, I think it’ll be perfect for Bones.”

“What... are you _insane_? He’ll despise it.”

“Exactly.”

Hikaru shakes his head. “Sometimes I don’t get you guys.”

“You will, my young Padawan. Wait till you find love.” Jim slouches into his seat and manages to look perfectly effortlessly casual. “Speaking of, how’s life with the twink going?”

“Twink?” Hikaru laughs. “It’s like I have my very own earnest and truthful-to-a-fault shadow.”

Jim looks like he’s about to ask for more details, but class starts.

Hikaru tries to look like he’s paying attention while figuring out how to stop ‘says whatever’s in his head’ Jim from oversharing with ‘tattletale’ Pavel. It’s like the perfect storm of truthfulness that’ll result in Hikaru being grounded for life.

 

 

 

Pavel finds Hikaru within minutes of their separate classes being over.

Naturally.

“Hikaru! Jim!” Pavel shouts down the hall. “Wait! I am coming!”

He adds ‘personal embarrassment force’ to list of his grievances with Pavel.

It’s only now that he’s stopped and is looking back that Hikaru realizes that Nyota is with Pavel. Great, _now_ his day is complete.

“Hikaru!” Pavel is flushed and beaming. Hikaru’d find it cute if he wasn’t wishing Pavel far, far away. “I have tutor. She is very nice and will help with my speaking. Her name is – ”

“Nyota.” Hikaru nods. Doesn’t bother smiling.

“Hikaru,” she returns. Also with no smile.

Things are frosty.

“Nyotaaaa,” Jim says. “Looking good.”

Nyota’s answering glare is arctic cold. She doesn’t bother to address him.

Pavel, apparently acclimatized to the cold from all his years in Russia, perseveres: “I meet so many nice people here. You all like each other, yes?”

“Eh, right.” Hikaru struggles to plaster a smile on his face. “Don’t we have Calculus now?”

Pavel straightens up. “Oh, yes, class!” Like he’s excited. Come to think of it, he probably is.

“And I bid you all adieu.” Jim bows and tips an imaginary hat. “See you all later, especially you, pookie monkey.”

“See you after school, Pavel,” Nyota says only to him. She also graces him with a smile.

Hikaru and Jim get the cold shoulder, but that’s nothing new.

Pavel walks quietly beside Hikaru until they’re just outside the classroom. “Pookie monkey?”

Hikaru sighs. “Don’t ask.”

 

 

 

Jim isn’t around at lunch, which leaves just Pavel and Hikaru.

On the bright side, Nyota isn’t around, either, but it’s starting to feel like she is, the way that Pavel is talking nonstop about her.

“...impressive! She speaks many languages. Four she knows and two more she is learning.” He inhales a brief breath and keeps going. “And do you know what else she told me?”

Hikaru really doesn’t, and he really doesn’t want to. “Mmhm?”

“English is the hardest to learn! Nyota says I am doing very well,” says the guy who pronounces his “v”s like “w”s.

Hikaru snorts milk out of his nose. “Sorry,” he says when he realizes some of it lands in Pavel’s fries. “That’s good. I can say, without a doubt, that you speak way better English than I do Russian.”

Pavel tilts his head and seems to consider him for a bit before laughing. “You are funny, Hikaru.”

Hikaru ends up laughing himself, even though he’s not exactly sure what Pavel’s finding _so_ funny.

Doesn’t matter, he’s chalking this up to a win.

 

 

 

There’s nothing like Phys Ed to make Hikaru feel as far from a winner as possible. He tries to speed walk, knee brace snugly in place, while everyone else runs.

Well, not everyone. Jim doesn’t.

Not that he ever does.

He _can_ run, Hikaru’s seen him. He’s pretty fast too. But Jim never will when it counts for marks. He’s contrary that way.

Jim insists that he’s keeping “poor crippled Hikaru company” (his exact phrasing), but Hikaru doesn’t buy it. He knows it’s all part of the Jim Kirk mystique.

So Jim and Hikaru walk while everyone else runs.

Pavel’s laps ahead of everyone. His long limbs make him look like he’s gliding across the floor, like he’s just started and isn’t twenty laps in.

“Man, he’s like a Gazelle,” Jim says.

“Yeah, I had no idea he could run like that.” Hikaru can’t help being impressed by Pavel’s unflagging pace and determined expression.

“The kid has layers – who knew?”

“Considering how _much_ he talks, I’m surprised he hadn’t told me himself. He’s like an auctioneer.”

“True that.”

“He really doesn’t have a filter. Speaking of, can you watch what you say around him? He tells my parents _everything_.”

Jim pouts. “Are you saying the wild and crazy days of our youth are over?”

“Ha! I’m just saying what Pavel doesn’t know can’t hurt me. And for god’s sake, don’t invite him to anything that isn’t parent approved.”

“And how do we do that?” Jim frowns. “He’s glued to your side. Plus, I feel bad leaving the kid out. He needs fun.”

“Yeah. I don’t know.” Hikaru shrugs. “Just _try_ to censor yourself around him at least.”

“Censor myself?” Jim stops, gasps dramatically. “Jim Kirk _cannot_ be censored!”

Hikaru rolls his eyes. “Keep moving, First Amendment.”

 

 

 

At dinner that night Hikaru is actually happy that Pavel is chattering on to his folks about Nyota.

That is, until his mom turns on him. “Oh Nyota, we haven’t seen her in a long time. Why do you not keep in touch, Hikaru? You know we like her. Such a nice young woman.”

Everyone stares at him. Okay, everyone is dad and Pavel, since mom is already looking. But it feels like a whole auditorium waiting for his response.

“We’re just, you know, both busy. Me with sports, her with language club and academics.”

“But now _you_ have time to focus on your studies.” Mom’s gaze turns pointed. “Now is the time to look to your future. Think about the marks you need to get there and the _people_ who will help you get there.”

“Yes, mom.” There’s just no point in arguing. And it’s not like Hikaru doesn’t want to go to college.

He just doesn’t see why he has to hang out with stuck-up Nyota to do that.

Hikaru wants to say that hanging out with Jim is the most stimulating thing he’s done in years.

But he isn’t in the right auditorium.

 

 

 

After dinner Pavel follows Hikaru up to his room. He places his knapsack on the floor and sits down on Hikaru’s bed, cross legged.

Hikaru is at a loss. He suspects Pavel wants something from him but he doesn’t know what.

“Hikaru, are you okay?” Pavel asks. He runs a hand back and forth over the corduroy on his pants.

“Okay? Yeah. Why?” Hikaru sits down at his desk and flips his laptop open.

“At dinner, you were – when Nyota was mentioned –you seemed bad. No, that is not the word. Unhappy, you seemed unhappy.”

Huh. “Yeah?”

He doesn’t know what to say so he opens his email. It’s mostly junk except for one from Mariko that just says _Exchange student! Have mom and dad gone completely crazy?_

Hikaru’s pretending to read about whether he’d like to enlarge his package and impress the ladies when Pavel asks, “Does Nyota make you unhappy?”

“Okay.” Hikaru sighs. “I guess I should tell you about Nyota and me.”

“Okay.” Pavel’s attention is fixed on him.

“Nyota.” Hikaru stands, then feels silly so sits down, this time beside Pavel on the bed. “Nyota was my best friend. Since kindergarten. I stole the train she was playing with. She marched over to me, grabbed it back, put her hands on her hips and told me we could share it.” He laughs. “And that was it. Best friends.”

Pavel nods.

“She spent a lot of time here when she was ten and her parents split up. And she returned the favor by being my only friend during the hell of junior high. But then came high school and everything changed. You know how it is.”

Pavel blinks at him. “No, I do not.”

“Er, so, it’s when I bulked out and stopped being the kid picked last for every team. I actually started getting _good_ at sports.” He rubs his stupid knee. “Anyway, she hated that I became what she called a ‘dumb jock’ and I couldn’t stand her holier-than-thou attitude. So we drifted. No longer the bestest of friends. It happens.”

Pavel puts a hand on Hikaru’s shoulder. “I am sorry, Hikaru.”

They sit there for a few minutes.

Hikaru can hear the low murmur of the TV downstairs and the sound of his laptop switching to sleep mode.

“We should study now, yes?” Pavel pats his shoulder, then reaches down for his bag.

The studying goes well.

It’s actually not annoying to have Pavel around.

It helps that they’re working in silence. But it’s nice.

Lying in bed later, Hikaru realizes he actually feels better. Like he finally got something off his chest.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Things settle into a routine and Hikaru starts to forget that Pavel is an interloper in his life.

Pavel works on his English with Nyota while Hikaru spends quality time with Jim.

Which normally means smoking up, and maybe making out.

They’ll often pick Pavel up when his tutoring is done, still laughing and loose limbed, and Jim will drop them back at the Sulu place for dinner.

Pavel tells the folks about his day – nicely free of Hikaru and Jim antics – and then follows Hikaru to his room, where they study.

Hikaru’s grades are improving, which he supposes means that his mom’s diabolical plan is working. Which kinda bugs him, but then he thinks _college_ and _dorm room_ and can deal.

On Friday nights, Jim insists they hang out at his place, which is normally parent-free. This is Hikaru’s new favorite night of the week because now that Pavel is with him, his parents don’t mind that he’s out. It helps that he says they’re with “friends” and has instructed Pavel to do the same.

What’s more, Pavel actually seems to enjoy himself, too. Likely because he and Bones get along surprisingly well.

Science is their bond. It’s all they talk about.

Well, really all they _argue_ about.

But at least it entertains them.

Leaving Jim and Hikaru free to play video games with no one complaining, or wanting a turn.

It’s a routine, but it works.

 

 

 

Things change for Hikaru one Friday night that should be like any other.

Only this Friday night is marred by one simple word.

Jim pauses Halo to get them more beer. “Think our boyfriends want more, too, or are they still wrapped up in that string theory argument?”

“Who talks about string theo – wait. Did you just say what I think you said?”

“Huh?” Jim is halfway to the fridge and clearly thinking only of the beer.

Hikaru is sitting stock still on the couch and thinking only of the word.

“Did you just call Pavel my _boyfriend_?”

“Huh, yeah.” Jim shrugs. “Oops.”

Hikaru sits there starting at the frozen screen until Jim returns with their refills.

“What do you mean _oops_?”

Jim takes a long pull on his beer. “Oh, wasn’t thinking.”

“Wasn’t – what the hell, Jim?!”

“Okay, okay.” Jim raises his hands (with beer) in the ‘don’t shoot’ gesture. “I forget sometimes that you guys aren’t dating. He’s always around and you guys are...you just seem kinda coupley.”

“ _Kinda coupley_?” Hikaru has been reduced to the role of parrot. “I don’t – how can – do you – is there – ?”

Hikaru might have continued to start sentences all night if Pavel hadn’t entered the video game sanctuary and interrupted him.

“Leonard is kicking us out. He wants ‘alone time’ with Jim.” Pavel actually uses the air quotes.

“Nice.” Jim smirks.

Hikaru rolls his eyes.

And breathes a quiet sigh of relief.

 

 

 

Except it’s not so much relief when he’s alone in the car with Pavel on the drive home. It’s more Hikaru’s brain attempting to wrestle with the mere _idea_ that he and Pavel act like a couple, leaving no spare brain space for conversation.

Which works out because Pavel is describing his argument with McCoy.

In excruciating scientific detail.

Not that Hikaru is listening.

The orderly workings of his mind have run amuck. It’s like the hamster left its wheel spinning so it can scamper around causing havoc.

One of the only coherent thoughts he manages is, ‘What will people think?’

It’s not a thought he’s proud of. But he thinks it nonetheless.

Pavelis a big nerd. Younger, with dorky clothes that look like his mom picked them out. Plus, he doesn’t try to hide his love of school or enthusiasm for learning.

Honestly, he’s kind of embarrassing to be around. Hikaru just tries not to think about that most of the time.

Of course, he really should only care about what his friends think, and Jim likes Pavel. In fact, he’s not even horrified by the idea of them as a couple.

Hell, even McCoy likes Pavel. As demonstrated by the fact that he’ll actually say more than two words to the guy.

So two of the few people who Hikaru actually respects like Pavel, that’s gotta mean something.

And… _what_ is wrong with him? Why is he having this particular thought process? He’s gone completely insane. Right off the deep end. He’s one step away from the cuckoo’s nest. He’s boy interrupted.

Hikaru inhales sharply. Pavel pauses his diatribe about the underappreciated value of string theory. He exhales. Pavel continues.

Hikaru steers his brain back to what he knows.

Because he’s the kind of guy who knows what he wants.

And he _knows_ he’s not into Pavel.

It’s all that kissing with Jim. It’s sparked his interest in guys. Problem is Pavel’s the guy he sees most frequently, so of course his thoughts are gonna go there.

Sure, Pavel has those curls and that smile that always brightens Hikaru’s day. And yeah, he’s the smartest person Hikaru’s ever met. But he feels so _young_. Too young.

Yep, Hikaru is definitely not interested.

Obviously.

 

 

 

Lying in bed that night, Hikaru determines the cause of his brief bout of insanity: he’s horny. And he wants to do something about it.

Something that’s not just him, his hand and some porn.

It’s time for a little gay experimentation.

 

 

 

Gay experimentation is easier said than done when you’re still seventeen and in high school.

Things may be getting better out there, but approaching some dude in the hall about a blow job or some jerk off action? Still dangerous. And Hikaru wants safe sex.

He checks out a few websites. Learns about glory holes and cruising, and is man enough to admit he’s not man enough for either. He doesn’t know what poppers or fleshlights are, but he’s happy to remain in the dark for a while longer.

It all sounds like jumping off the deep end and Hikaru’s more a wade-in-the-shallow-end type of guy. He wants to take his time, get used to the water before taking the plunge.

Like what he’s been doing with Jim. He wants the Jim thing only without the Jim. Or beyond the Jim. He wants to branch out.

 

 

 

Naturally, it’s Jim who provides the opportunity for gay experimentation.

He is Jim, after all.

Jim’s mom is out of town, so he’s throwing a big teen party cliché. And he’s inviting lots of hot guys who like kissing other guys. In fact, he won’t shut up about it, but for once, Hikaru’s not complaining because that’s what he needs in his life: hot guys to kiss.

Naturally, he has to bring Pavel to the party.

Jim did invite him, and he’s the reason Hikaru can go. Pavel’s company means that his parents don’t ask all the questions about the party that he doesn’t want Pavel to answer. (Especially since Jim has been way too detailed in explaining the party _to_ Pavel. “Just preparing him for a true modern American party experience,” Jim claims.)

But with Pavel by his side, all Hikaru has to say is: “We’re heading out to a party with some friends from school. See you guys later.”

And all his dad says is: “Have fun, boys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Which would limit them to his dad’s retired-from-engineering activities of discount shopping, gardening, crosswords, television watching, and occasional rants on the sad state of the world.

Well, it would limit them _if_ Hikaru had any intention of actually following his dad’s instructions.

And “all” his mom says is: “Remember to drive carefully, Hikaru. Don’t eat too much junk food. Are you sure you don’t want me to make you boys something to eat before you go?” She stops just long enough for a breath; she’s a bit like Pavel when she’s worried. “Don’t stay out too late. Do you have cash with you for emergencies? Do you – what Yuji? No, I am not nagging. Just ensuring they have everything. Well, you have fun and be safe, boys.”

So then all Hikaru has to do is drag Pavel out the door as he wishes them both a good evening and thanks his mom for her concern. (Because it’s better to make with the escaping when Pavel starts with the talking. Especially when said talking is in the context of a party.)

Hikaru’s shoulders don’t release the tension he hadn’t realized he was holding until they’re driving away from the house. He blasts the radio, not caring what station he’s on.

“Oh! I love this song.” Pavel bounces. “It is my very favorite.”

“Wait, you love _Forever_.” Hikaru boggles.

Pavel nods. “So catchy and romantic.”

“By the infamous Chris Brown?” The laughter is starting to just bubble out of him.

“Yes? But why you say infamous?”

Hikaru gasps for breath too focused on the ridiculous to answer questions. “So your favorite song in the whole wide world is the dancing down the aisle Youtube song?” He cracks up.

Pavel looks confused for a minute and then starts laughing too.

Chris Brown sings, _It's like I've waited my whole life for this one night._

Hikaru and Pavel keep on laughing.

For these few minutes Hikaru forgets all the ways his life sucks and feels kinda like he _is_ high off the ground.

So undone.

They walk up to Jim’s front door still grinning and bumping into each other.

Hikaru almost suggests they skip the party and just drive around the whole night, but then he remembers his mission and opens the door.

 

 

 

The party is a party.

Loud music, loud talk.

Alcohol.

And, _yes_ , hot guys.

He doesn’t need to it rain men, because he’s wading in them.

First order of business: ditch Pavel and not feel like Asshole #1 doing it.

He succeeds two minutes later when they find McCoy alone in the kitchen giving the side eye to everyone who walks by, sipping his usual Scotch. He’s one of those guys who can pull off the mature drink without seeming like a pretentious douche.

Hikaru feels no guilt sidling out of the kitchen, not that they notice; they’re totally absorbed in a debate about the likelihood of life on other planets.

Second order of business: gain liquid courage.

He takes a stupidly big gulp of beer, probably impressing no one. Now, Hikaru can move onto step three.

Third order of business: find a hot guy and make out with him.

“Him,” says a voice in Hikaru’s ear. The voice is Jim’s, as if it would be anyone else. “Hot, hung and horny.”

“Uh.” Okay, maybe Hikaru needs to return to the second order of business, he’s not sure he’s ready for Wingman Jim just yet. Or all three of those H’s.

“Dude, stop thinking, just do.” Jim gives him a shove in the direction of Three H. Hikaru’s not going to argue about the first one, the guy looks like a fucking porn star. And the way he leans? There could be some weakness in Hikaru’s knees. Who knew he went for the skater boy look?

Besides, apparently, his feet. They’ve brought him over, and his mouth – thank you second order of business – takes care of the introductions.

Kent – of course his name is Kent – seems to be everything Jim promised. Especially the way he’s making eye contact and stepping into Hikaru’s personal space.

There’s still some space between them, enough that Hikaru can see that Kent’s eyebrows are red like his hair and that he has a light dusting of freckles. Without thinking he reaches up and touches the hair that hangs over Kent’s left eye. That’s all it takes for Kent to close the distance and press their lips together.

It’s not until Hikaru is gasping for breath that he realizes his brain shut off for a few minutes.

He tucks Kent’s hair behind his ear and pulls him in for another kiss.

He wonders if this is how it is with boys. Do you really just start a hot make out session after only exchanging your names? Hikaru’s not sure if he should object or if it’s the hottest fucking thing.

When Kent’s hand squeezes Hikaru’s ass, he realizes this could be more than making out. A part of him, which sounds annoyingly like his mom, demands to know if he’s ready for that. Didn’t he just want the kissing?

Who is this boy anyway?

Why does it feel like he has a magic tongue?

And more than two hands?

And, holy fuck, that isn’t Kent’s hand! That’s Pavel standing behind Kent, peering at Hikaru and sort of shaking his shoulder.

“Fuck.” Hikaru backs up, starts to tuck his shirt in, remembers he hasn’t tucked anything in since he was 12 and his mom still dressed him, and lets his hands hang stupidly at his side. “Um, Pavel, what, um, what?”

Apparently sentences are beyond him.

Kent raises an eyebrow. “Jealous ex? Been there, man.” He shakes his head and wanders off like they were just discussing the Giants’ chance at the World Series and not having a hot make out session in Jim’s backyard.

Hikaru stares after him as his brain returns to regular scheduled programming. Pavel’s just standing there looking at him, all big eyes. Hikaru can’t figure out what the fuck he wants. “Pavel, _fuck_.” He runs a hand through his hair. “What the hell, why’d you interrupt?”

“I thought…” Pavel blinks, his cheeks turn red. “You and he… that was okay? But you do not know him. I didn’t…”

He looks lost.

Normally Hikaru would feel sorry for the kid, but he’s feeling cock blocked.

“Fuck, Pavel, I don’t know what you and your friends do back in Russia,” Hikaru can see the rage but he can’t stop it, “but you don’t go around doing that here!”

Pavel blinks at him again. Hikaru can almost see the Russian-English dictionary pages flipping in Pavel’s brain, but doesn’t care about that. In fact, why should he care at all? He didn’t ask for this kid to come and fuck up his life.

“What the hell do you expect from me? Why the fuck do you follow me around like a pathetic little shadow? I’m not your boyfriend. Hell, we wouldn’t even be friends if I wasn’t forced to live in the same house as you. God!”

Pavel’s face is bright red, and when Hikaru’s brain replays what he said, it sounds awful. He is, in fact, Asshole #1. The biggest asshole who just reamed out some poor kid who’s only ever been nice to him and is far, far away from home.

Pavel takes in a breath and seems to grow taller, his face still red. “I am sorry you do not like my company.” He speaks slowly and deliberately as if to ensure he gets every word perfect. “I was laboring under false impression. I will bother you no longer.”

He turns and disappears into the crowd.

Hikaru watches him go.

 

 

 

The rest of the party passes in a blur.

There’s more beer. The couch and lamenting to Jim. (Manly lamenting, he’s sure.) And more beer. It’s safe to say that beer is a theme of the night.

Hikaru thinks.

He’s not sure. It is a blur after all.

In the morning, he learns that McCoy drove Pavel home the night before.

He learns this when a water bottle drops on his stomach and jolts him awake.

Well, technically he learns this after the abrupt wake up while McCoy hones his awful bedside manner with a scowl, a shake of a head and gruff, “Took the boy home last night.”

The, “Not that you care,” is unspoken but there.

Hikaru can’t even get in a sheepish, “Thanks,” before McCoy delivers his parting shot, “Try not to throw up on the carpet,” and stalks off

It’s a great start to the day.

 

 

 

The first thing Hikaru notices when he gets home is that everything is normal. Nothing seems amiss.

In fact, he has an eerie feeling like he’s stepped back in time and into a _Leave It Beaver_ episode.

The one where the family clips coupons to save money for some big family togetherness project. It might be less creepy if Pavel weren’t the only one white enough to have been on the show.

When everyone looks up from the Sunday paper they’ve gathered round, Hikaru knows he’s the Edie Haskell.

They all greet him with a smile.

Even Pavel.

Which is odd.

It could be overly bright, but Hikaru’s not sure if he’s just imagining things.

“I hope you had a good time sleeping over,” his mom says like he’s ten and still wearing Transformer pajamas. “Too bad Pavel’s headache made him miss it.”

“Uh, yeah, right, too bad.” It’s all he can manage.

“It is all better now.” Pavel beams almost unnaturally. “All I needed was a good sleep’s night.”

“A good _night’s_ sleep,” his mom murmurs.

Hikaru tries to leave them to their impromptu English lesson, but his dad stops him with a hand on his arm.

Uh oh, he’s so busted… for so many things.

“I hope you need more printer paper.” His dad holds up a coupon, that money saving gleam in his eye. “Because this deal is too good to pass up.”

Hikaru doesn’t need more. He’s pretty sure he has a lifetime supply. Twenty lifetimes, even. But he says, “Yes,” anyway. Just to be nice.

Then he escapes.

 

 

 

It takes Hikaru three days – which is two too many – to realize that Pavel is avoiding him.

It might be that his knee is killing him. (Sleeping on a couch is not physiotherapy approved).

It might be that he spent the last two days after school playing Call of Duty with Jim. (Not physiotherapy _or_ mom approved.)

It might be that he’s walked around in a haze uncertain what the hell is going on. (Not really anyone approved.)

Or it could just be that he’s inflicted with that “teenage self-absorption” he saw them talking about on Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz or some show with a fake doctor whose advice people actually take.

Who knows, maybe the fake doctors are right.

All Hikaru knows is that when he realizes Pavel is avoiding him, it bums him out.

Which is surprising, since that was all he’d wished for the first few weeks after Pavel arrived.

And it’s not even like Hikaru enjoys spending time with the overeager nerd or anything. He’d probably be making Hikaru study for that AP Calculus test tomorrow.

Shit, the test.

Where _is_ his brain?

Despite that it’s probably back at the party, Hikaru sighs and turns his attention to studying. Since at least equations make sense, most of the time.

 

 

 

Hikaru’s always been an avoidance kind of guy.

When Mariko stole his favourite toy – the awesome and shiny Optimus Prime – he just shrugged and played with the Decepticons instead.

When Jim Kirk was fighting some kid in the playground, Hikaru was retreating to the library.

When his teammates tried to provoke him with suggestions that he was better suited to a lab than baseball diamond, he just gritted his teeth and hit homers to prove them wrong.

So he thinks he’s got the whole avoidance thing mastered. Sure, he hardly ever sees Pavel except for awkward polite exchanges over breakfast and dinner, but that’s okay. As long as Hikaru keeps the avoidance up, things will work themselves out.

Except that Nyota was never the avoidance type. She’s always been all about facing things head on.

And right now Nyota’s head is right in front of Hikaru’s locker. And it’s frowning. Also, her arms are crossed, which is never a good sign.

“Nyota.”He takes one last stab at avoidance. “Doing well?”

She ignores his attempt and pushes on with her agenda. “Why are you being such a, well…” Nyota tends to think swearing is beneath her, “a jackass to Pavel?”

“A _jackass_?” Clearly she’s decided Hikaru’s behavior warrants a rare exception. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just doing my own thing here.”

“Your own _thing_?” Nyota’s frown deepens. “What exactly do you meant by that?”

“Whatever.” Hikaru is really not enjoying a replay of Freshman year. “We’re not friends. I don’t have to explain anything to you.”

“I may not be your friend.” Nyota’s expression is impossible to read. “But I thought _Pavel_ was. So deal with it.”

She stalks off.

Hikaru ponders hitting his head against his locker door, but the bell rings.

He shoves the conversation aside and heads to class.

 

 

 

It’s harder for him to keep the avoidance up when Jim broaches the subject.

He always knew he should hate the guy.

And now he has a reason.

Because Jim waited till Hikaru’s defences were down. After he’d smoked some pot, and after they were lying on the roof of Jim’s car.

Jim’s a bastard that way.

He proves it with his oh-so-casual, “So, haven’t seen Pavel around of late. Kinda miss the kid.”

Hikaru tries his best to deflect. “Mmm.”

Jim isn’t put off by a little deflection. “Yeah, seems like you miss him too.”

“What?” Hikaru ignores the weird feeling in stomach and goes for self-righteous. “ _What_?! Miss our obnoxiously truthful hanger-on?”

“It’s just,” Jim inhales, exhales, passes to Hikaru, “you seem, kinda, I don’t know, down.”

“Down?” Hikaru narrows his eyes. “And just why do you think that, Mr. Kirk?”

“I’ll tell you, _Mr. Sulu_.” Jim pokes him in the side. “Your usual sunny disposition,” Hikaru snorts, “is even less sunny than usual.”

Hikaru can’t help being a little amused. “Yeah, and?”

“You’re dragging yourself around like a kid whose puppy was just run over.”

Since he’s enjoying the last of the pot, Hikaru doesn’t have the energy to make some crack about the aptness of comparing Pavel to a puppy.

They lie there for a bit.

Hikaru’s not sure how long.

The pot is done. The car’s radio is playing one of those interchangeable partying-themed songs. Hikaru is happy to be away from that world and, well, the rest of the world really.

His mind is drifting, he’s watching a satellite pass overhead when Jim interrupts his lack of thoughts. “Dude, you know I love you, right? But, what the fuck? Just apologize to the kid so things can go back to normal.”

“Normal.” Hikaru’s feeling kinda incredulous. “What exactly do you mean by normal?”

“You know,” Jim appears to be watching the same satellite, “when Pavel was hanging out with us. You were a lot of happier.”

Happier. Hikaru’s not sure Jim knows what he’s talking about. He is the king of bullshit.

“Admit it,” Jim says, after a couple of minutes of silence. “You miss him.”

And that’s when Hikaru remembers why he hates and loves Jim. Because the bastard knows exactly when to throw the low blow. When it’ll be most effective.

Dammit, how did he know?

 _Hikaru_ didn’t even know he missed Pavel.

Until now.

 

 

 

It’s always around 9 p.m. on Sundays when Hikaru realizes he hates the day. He always has way too much homework to do and not enough time to do it in.

Which is why he’s downstairs in the kitchen making a sandwich two hours after dinner. Considering that the mayo to meat ratio is insane, there’s no doubt about it: he’s comfort eating. He’s pondering mixing up some chocolate milk when Pavel beelines for the fridge, oblivious to Hikaru’s presence a few feet away.

Hikaru clears his throat.

Pavel continues rooting around the fridge.

“Um, Pavel, hi.” Always suave, always suave.

The fact that Pavel stands up and turns around with very deliberate movement drives it home to Hikaru. Pavel really wasn’t oblivious earlier.

Pavel nods without speaking.

It’s almost as if he’s greeting Hikaru back in ancient Japan. A place Hikaru’s never been interested in time traveling to.

 _Just say it_ , the voice in Hikaru’s head that sounds suspiciously like his mom, says.

“Want a sandwich?” are the words that actually come out of his mouth. The suaveness continues.

Pavel’s eyes narrow.

Shit, this isn’t going well. He needed a plan. Why doesn’t he have a plan? He blames Jim and his love of planless living. This is what happens when you go around winging it.

You end up standing in an overly bright kitchen trying to talk to a guy who’s making it clear that he doesn’t want to talk to you. At all.

“As a peace offering, you know?”

Pavel’s brow knits together. “A piece of what?”

The king of suave is in the house. “Peace as in world peace. You know?”

Pavel’s silence suggests that he does not, in fact, know.

“But between us. It’s like an olive branch. Like an apology.” He so mutters the last part.

Amazingly, Pavel hears _and_ understands. “You are making an attempt to apologize? To me?”

The look of sadness and hope on Pavel’s face is like a quick punch to the gut.

“Yeah, I, um, you know, feel bad.” He refamiliarizes himself with the geometric patterns of the kitchen tiles. “For the stuff, that I said.”

“You are very bad at apology,” Pavel says, with a hint of triumph mingled with his amusement.

Hikaru risks looking up. “Yeah, I know. I suck. At that and for the other stuff.”

Pavel nods. “Okay, I will take under advisement.”

“Um, okay?”

Pavel sits down and looks up at Hikaru. “I would like my sandwich now.”

“Right, right.”

Hikaru makes a second sandwich. They eat together in silence.

It’s not half bad.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Things appear to be back to normal.

Or the new normal. The one with Pavel.

Pavel still spends way too much time encroaching on Hikaru’s space. Hikaru still spends way too much time trying to lie to his parents without Pavel, the truth fairy, realizing or ruining it. Jim still spends way too much time kicking Hikaru’s ass at _Call of Duty._

And McCoy still glares at Hikaru like 95% of the time.

The new normal is chugging along like a well-oiled something that needs oil.

Hikaru finds himself slipping back into the groove of things. Until Pavel brings it all to a screeching halt.

It’s a Saturday night and McCoy’s been tossing back the Scotch like it’s water in between rants on the state of humanity. Hikaru and Jim were just about to settle into a night of beer and video games.

But instead of engaging McCoy in a spirited debate, as per usual, Pavel plunks himself down between Jim and Hikaru on the couch.

They both turn and look at him. For a minute he just sits there, very upright and proper looking.

And then, the bombshell.

“I would like to try this drugs you two enjoy. The pot of marijuana?”

Hikaru tries to respond but nothing comes out. He feels his mouth open and close. He may actually be speechless.

Jim Kirk, however, is _never_ speechless. “Sure, kid. I’m guessing this is your first time?”

“Yes.” Pavel nods, unnecessarily. “In my recent Skype conversation with my parents, they encouraged me to try the experimentation. When I am with the people I trust.”

“I can’t– You… really– Wait, Skype chat?!” Hikaru feels like his brain is moving in slow motion. “When – did my parents…? Oh my god, they will kill me.”

“I do not understand wh–”

Pavel is interrupted by McCoy, who, unsurprisingly, looks displeased. “That one,” he nods at Hikaru, “wants make sure you didn’t chat with your parents when his could overhear you. Did you?”

“Oh no, I would nev –” Pavel is still shaking his head emphatically when McCoy cuts him off again.

“Good. Now why would you be as damned a fool as these morons? You have lots of brain cells, don’t go squandering them, kid.”

Pavel looks thoughtful. “I have read that high alcohol consumption is also not good for the brain cells.”

“Fine.” McCoy shakes his head. “Fools.”

He drains his drink and leaves the room. Presumably to get a refill.

“So,” Pavel beams, “when do we do the pot marijuana?”

 

 

 

It should be strange to be high with Pavel. Uptight, well-mannered, earnest Pavel.

But it’s not. Because he’s not.

Pavel’s so much more relaxed.

Looser.

Especially when he’s laughing. Which he’s doing right now.

Laughing and laughing.

At what, Hikaru can’t remember. He’s laughing too.

Everything seems terribly funny. Especially watching Pavel laugh so hard tears stream down his cheeks.

Hikaru’s laughter halts when Pavel grabs his arm and looks him in the eye. “Hikaru, promise me…”

“Yes?” he prompts. Pavel’s head is drooping.

“Promise… me… that… you…”

“Uh huh?”

But Pavel’s asleep. His head on Hikaru’s shoulder. His breath already gone heavy and even.

Ah, the first time. Hikaru smiles and looks up to comment about it to Jim. But Jim’s gone. He doesn’t remember Jim leaving but is sure he’s off with McCoy.

Hikaru closes his eyes.

 

 

 

There’s buzzing. It’s weird. Like he’s on a washer or something.

But it’s coming from his pocket.

Oh, his phone, he realizes, emerging from sleep.

Amazingly, he’s able to answer it. “Hello?” he manages.

 _“Hikaru!”_ It’s his mom. Suddenly feeling much more awake, he nudges Pavel. _“Where are you? Are you alright? We are very worried.”_

“Huh? But it’s only...” Hikaru sees the time. “Oh! Oh! Sorry. We both fell asleep.”

“You did?” His mom’s tone changes from slightly hysterical – considering he’s only one minute past curfew now – to merely concerned. “Are you boys feeling alright?”

“Oh yeah.” Hikaru yawns. “Just tired. We’ll leave now. Home in ten.”

Once his mom is satisfied it’s safe for them to drive home, he looks down and discovers his nudging has not woken Pavel. He’s still a warm pressure on Hikaru’s arm.

Oddly, he’s reluctant to move Pavel, but he’s already given his mom enough of a heart attack for one night.

Pavel blinks up at him, looking a bit dazed. Until what Hikaru says sinks in and then he’s all business, rushing to get them home. All apologies already.

Hikaru feels zen all the way home.

 

 

 

A couple of weeks later, Hikaru is lying in bed on a Sunday. Just chilling. It’s sunny outside but instead of calling him out, it makes staying in bed more appealing.

He can hear his mom downstairs talking to his father and, based on the bacon smell, making breakfast.

In the room next door he can hear Pavel moving around. He can only hear him because he’s bumping into furniture. Poor guy, it’s a small room with a lot of crap in it.

He closes his eyes and ponders drifting back to sleep.

There’s a knock on the door. Because it’s a quiet one, he knows it’s Pavel.

“Yeah, come in.” He doesn’t move. He is one with the bed.

“Oh good, you are up. It smells like brea –” Pavel stops speaking, but his mouth stays open. He’s staring down at Hikaru. His cheeks turn bright red. “Oh, you are not – I mean, you are – I…”

And with that, Pavel flees.

Hikaru sits up and looks down at himself. Trying to puzzle it out.

Then it sinks in. He’s not wearing a shirt. He’s always too hot to sleep with one on.

Was _that_ what freaked out Pavel?

Couldn’t be.

 

 

 

The thing is, the more time goes by, the more he starts to think it _could_ be.

Hikaru’s not sure what _it_ is, but knows it’s something.

It’s like when Jim told him that Jowett was gay and everything clicked into place. All that anti-gay posturing and weird comments in the locker room made sense.

Same thing now. This crazy, silly idea about Pavel keeps seeming more sane and more plausible, especially because it explains Pavel’s previously inexplicable actions.

Why he always sits so close to Hikaru, brushing shoulders, but no one else.

Why Hikaru’s seen him talking non-stop to Nyota in almost flawless English, but he seems to always stumble around Hikaru (although he still manages to talk a lot, this – whatever it is – hasn’t stopped the endless stream of words).

Why he’ll ask Hikaru for help with Physics, which, come to think of it, is Pavel’s best subject. He’s always acing his tests.

Why he’d insisted that Hikaru take him to the reference library downtown despite Hikaru’s mom’s offer; his reason, “Hikaru will know the best research books,” seems pretty ridiculous now.

Why he’d fallen asleep on Hikaru’s shoulder. And wait, that wasn’t the first time. He’d done that on a family movie night. Hikaru just assumed it was the utter boredom of _Titanic_ (Hikaru’s not a fan of epic love stories).

And, of course, why he’d interrupted that kiss with what’s-his-name.

Okay, so maybe Pavel has a thing for him.

Maybe.

Probably just some crush.

But if it’s not. Well, Hikaru doesn’t know what do with that.

 

 

 

He goes about the next day in a daze.

Mumbles responses to his mom. Something about the upcoming Winter dance.

Slouches in his seat and avoids eye contact with teachers.

Nods and says “Yeah” a lot with Jim. If Jim notices, he lets it go. He knows Hikaru can get like this.

But when he tries the same technique with Pavel, it doesn’t work.

“But – I don’t –” There he goes with that stumbling again. “What is wrong, Hikaru? You seem…confused. No, I know! Spaced out – you are spaced out. Are you okay?”

He looks into Pavel’s wide eyes and sincere expression, and feels like a creep. Some lecherous guy eyeing an innocent kid. Okay, okay, so he’s really only one year older but _still_.

He should not even be considering it. This whole ridiculous thing needs to be gone from his head.

Erased. Deleted. Removed.

Eradicated.

Gone.

“Sorry.” He aims a sheepish grin at Pavel. “Just tired. Didn’t sleep too well. The knee, you know.”

 

 

A week later, Hikaru realizes he made a big mistake.

He didn’t listen to his mother.

Man, she would love it if she knew he was thinking this. Mom: 1, Hikaru: 0.

Why, oh why was his head in the clouds when she asked him to take Pavel with him to the Winter Formal? So that Pavel could “experience an American dance”?

First of all, the way his mom keeps phrasing it sounds like she wants them to go as a couple which is freaky and weird – and in no way compelling.

Second, Hikaru doesn’t do school dances. Hasn’t since Freshman year. By definition, they suck.

Third, well, Hikaru doesn’t have a third, but he wishes he did. There should be an infinity of reasons not to go to the stupid dance. The theme is “Winter Wonderland,” for fuck’s sake. Hasn’t that been done and done to death?

He _would_ be enumerating his _very_ good reasons to his mom right now, _if_ Pavel didn’t look like he was over the moon about going to the dance with Hikaru. (Hikaru has no idea where he dredged that expression up from, but it fits Pavel.)

Which is how he ends up in a suit on a Friday night.

 

 

 

Hikaru exits his room, loosening his tie and wishing he could smoke up before. Take the edge off.

Speaking of edge, Pavel seems to be on it.

He’s standing outside his room and rocking back and forth. With a suit on, Pavel looks older, less like a kid. The effect only slightly ruined by the look of sheer excitement on his face. But Hikaru finds himself smiling despite himself. Sometimes Pavel’s enthusiasm is just infectious.

“Ready?”

“I was born ready.” Pavel’s unable to pull it off without laughter creeping in at the end. Which makes Hikaru like him more.

He puts an arm around Pavel’s shoulder. “You’ve gotta stop letting Jim teach you slang.”

“But why?” Pavel’s voice is right near his ear. “It was correct usage, yes?”

“If you were Jim. But you’re too – well, you shouldn’t use Jimisms, just be yourself.”

“Okay.” Pavel nods seriously. “I am ready, Hikaru.”

 

 

 

Apparently “Winter Wonderland” means white and silver streamers with some paper cut-out snowflakes interspersed. Hikaru isn’t so much struck with wonder as tapped lightly by disappointment.

He remembers all the dances on those teen TV shows Mariko used to watch while IMing with her friends. The ones that caused shrieks.

He doubts he’ll be hearing shrieks tonight.

A gaggle of girls walk by stuffed into shiny dresses wearing makeup that makes them look 20 years older (and not in a good way).

Strike that. He _prays_ for no shrieks tonight.

Two notes into some top 40 song, maybe Katy Perry, a loud shriek erupts from the aforementioned girls.

So much for prayer. Good thing he’s an atheist.

He and Pavel exchange glances.

It’s awkward. Kinda like when he went to the Junior High Formal with Melissa Lee. There’s the standing, the silence, the sideways glances.

Basically he’s regressed to the eighth grade.

Oh well, might as well embrace it. “Want some punch?”

“Oh yes!” Pavel seems genuinely excited about it. “Think it’ll be spiked? With alcohol?”

“You never know. Keep hope alive.”

 

 

 

The theme of awkwardness continues.

So does the punch drinking.

It’s odd to feel this way. Unsure. Uncertain of what to do.

Uncertain of what he wants to do.

What to do is settled for him when _Forever_ starts playing and Pavel grabs his hand and drags him (not exactly resisting) onto the dance floor. Once there, he drops Hikaru’s hand.

Hikaru tries not to notice the lack of warmth.

That’s easy thanks to Pavel’s dancing. Arms and legs are everywhere. Nothing is moving in time to the beat.

It’s messy.

It’s adorable.

Hikaru can’t help laughing. He has this crazy elated feeling. He suspects it’s joy.

Pavel smiles and leans forward. “The best song, yes?”

“The best.”

 

 

 

A few hours later Hikaru is starting to suspect the punch _is_ spiked. He’s still feeling giddy and light-headed.

He and Pavel are sitting on chairs in a quieter part of the gym, their legs touching.

“… rite of passage for the American teenager which has been mythologized to such an extent that no gymnasium decorated with crepe paper will ever compete.” Pavel has been passionately ruminating on this topic for the last ten minutes.

Hikaru is entertained.

It’s funny, when Pavel debates with McCoy, Hikaru prefers to play video games with Jim, but now right now he can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.

“So,” Hikaru takes advantage of Pavel taking a breath, “are you saying you’re disappointed by all this?” He waves his hand around to indicate the scattered couples on the dance floor, the groups of people huddled together on the sidelines, and the sad-looking punch table.

“Disappointed?” Pavel considers the question. “Perhaps that is the word. I had hoped for a slow dance.” His voice drops, Hikaru leans closer. “Maybe a kiss.”

“So, uh,” Hikaru doesn’t move despite that he’s so close to Pavel he can feel his breath on his face, “you have anyone in mind?”

Pavel looks Hikaru right in the eye.

Hikaru forgets to breathe. He runs over in his mind what’s happened, makes sure he’s understanding it correctly. If Jim were here, he’d be rolling his eyes.

But Hikaru needs a moment, wants to be sure of himself, too.

What he wants.

He’s so good at not thinking about it, but it’s hard to avoid when the question is basically staring him straight in the face.

It’s actually Pavel’s lack of hesitation, his continued eye contact and closeness that gives him his answer. Hikaru leans forward, closing the gap and presses their lips together.

He swears he hears a small sigh from Pavel. Or maybe it was him.

He cups Pavel’s face and deepens the kiss. Pavel’s hand grips his jacket lapel, he can feel the tug. It’s strange to be noticing all these things when he also feels like nothing else exists except for Pavel’s lips.

It’s better than kissing Jim.

Better than smoking up and kissing Jim.

Better than jerking off in his room.

And it’s probably not even the best kiss he’s had. Pavel’s lips are dry, his movements jerky. But that doesn’t matter. Hikaru just doesn’t want it to stop.

This is everything.

 

 

 

They break away maybe a minute later – feels like an hour. Hikaru skin is flushed, like he’s had way too much to drink.

His mouth swollen and sensitive.

He looks at Pavel. Looks at the floor. Looks at the streamers. Looks at the DJ. Looks at Pavel.

“So…” he tries. No one ever accused him of having the articulateness.

“Yes?” Pavel answers. As if Hikaru is actually about to share something of substance.

What to say, what to say.

His mind is a blank.

But that turns out to be okay because his body knows what to do. He kisses Pavel again.

And since Pavel seems to approve, he doesn’t stop.

 

 

 

He breaks away when shrieks from the dance floor –Gaga, he thinks – remind him of exactly where he is.

He is way too turned on to be sitting in the corner of a high school gym and he does _not_ want to be gay bashed at the Winter Formal.

Too cliché.

“Maybe we should, um, you know, go?” Hikaru unnecessarily nods toward the door.

“Yes, I think – yes.” Pavel also nods unnecessarily. He starts to stand up, turns bright red and sits down again. “Maybe we wait?”

“Good thinking.” Hikaru’s in the same predicament.

Suddenly it seems too ridiculous. He’s been making out with a boy at a school dance in way too close a proximity to guys who would beat the shit out of them up just for _suggesting_ they like guys. Forget making out then not being able to stand up.

Of course the problem is, they _are_ up.

Hikaru starts to laugh.

Pavel looks confused. “What is funny, Hikaru?”

Hikuaru can’t stop now that he’s started, so he places his hand on Pavel’s shoulder. With the other he gestures at their crotches then at the rest of the dancers.

The confusion continues until Pavel seems to comprehend Hikaru’s meaning. Which, to be fair, isn’t very clear and probably not that funny.

He just shakes his head and says with a smile, “You are funny guy, Hikaru.”

The laughter helps and Hikaru is ready to leave, he stands up and offers a hand to Pavel. “Ready?”

Pavel takes his hand. “Ready, Hikaru.”

 

 

 

They hold hands all the way through the gym and outside to the car.

No one gives them a second glance.

Hikaru sends up thanks to the Gay Gods, who are clearly looking down them.

Maybe he does believe in something, after all.

 

 

 

When he releases Pavel’s hand, it’s only to press him against the car and kiss him again.

He can’t seem to get enough of kissing Pavel.

Fortunately, the feeling appears to be mutual.

He also can’t get enough of the way Pavel is grinding against him. Or the way he’s gripping Hikaru’s hair with one hand while the other rests loosely on the small of his back.

When he presses harder against Pavel, Pavel gasps and bites Hikaru’s lip.

He’s not sure how he doesn’t come right then and there.

Laughter echoes from back by the entrance and Hikaru reluctantly pulls away.

“I guess we should,” he nods in the direction of the laughter, “go home.”

“Yeah.” Pavel adjusts his suit but misses his shirt, it’s untucked. He looks deliciously debauched.

Hikaru’s better judgement forces him to make do with a chaste kiss and then to drag himself to the driver’s side.

He really hates his better judgement sometimes.

He ignores it after that in favor of driving home one-handed so he can interlace his other fingers with Pavel’s.

It’s a good night.

The best.

 

 

 

He sleeps like the dead.

Getting ready for bed all he could think about was that Pavel was on the other side of the wall and sleeping in such close proximity seemed impossible. So he’s surprised when the ringing of his cell wakes him up and he sees its almost noon.

It’s Jim. Who is disgustingly cheerful.

And suspiciously interested in the events of last night.

“You talked to Pavel, didn’t you?”

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Innocence does not suit Jim. “I just want to hear all the details of my _best_ friend’s night.”

“Uh huh.”

“Come on.” Jim actually whines it.

“No.” It’s nice to know that tormenting Jim never gets old.

“But, Hikaru,” he draws out the last two syllables, “you’re blossoming into a man, and I want to hear about it!”

“ _Blossoming_?” Hikaru pulls the phone back to stare at it askance. “Really?”

“Okay, fine.” He can almost see Jim waving a hand dismissively. “At least swing by my place this afternoon. I have the new _Call of Duty_.”

“Fine. Be there in a few.” He hangs up before Jim can say anything else.

 

 

 

Pavel’s already in the kitchen with Hikaru’s parents when Hikaru makes his way downstairs.

From what he catches, Pavel is weaving a PG tale of a delightful Winter Wonderland. Hikaru doesn’t recognize the details but is impressed that I-cannot-tell-a-lie Pavel is spinning the best bullshit he’s heard since Mariko convinced their parents that a weekend in Vegas with her friends was spent conducting mathematic experiments.

“Well, that sounds like a lovely evening for you boys,” his mom says, beaming, clearly pleased that bringing an exchange student into Hikaru’s life has been a success.

“Mmm,” Hikaru says around a conveniently large bite of pancake.

His father remains hidden behind the newspaper, teen dance recaps clearly not his idea of scintillating conversation.

“Coffee?” His mom offers a cup to a grateful Hikaru. “What plans do you boys have today?”

“I have study session with Nyota today.” Pavel shoots a look at Hikaru as if to say, _I am not avoiding you._ As if Hikaru would doubt the validity of Pavel studying.

“Er, same, but with Jim.” Hikaru takes another large bite of pancake.

“Lovely!” his mom says, using her word of the day. She’s so happy about the successful dance that she doesn’t seem to notice the mention of Jim.

Hikaru escapes before she realizes his plan is likely not a study session.

 

 

 

His defences are high when he reaches Jim’s place.

He imagines himself as impenetrable.

Like Fort Knox. Or Alcatraz. Or Helm’s Deep.

Hikaru senses that his analogies are getting away from him. Maybe he should go back to the first one.

He’s like a vault. A vault that Jim Kirk will never crack.

Problem is, he always underestimates Jim. Actually, come to think of it, he’s not alone in that. But back to him and his foolishness.

He forgets that Jim knows his weaknesses and how to exploit them. Within half an hour of his arrival, Jim has plied him with all three.

First, the safe, mostly talk-free video game play.

Second, the oh-so-casual offer of a beer.

Third, the oh-so- _very_ -casual offer of pot.

Hikaru’s kryptonite. Fucking Jim Kirk.

That bastard is the reason Hikaru’s spilling his guts right now. “It’s not like I had a _plan_ or anything. I’m not like some seduction mastermind. I more just, you know, kissed him.”

Jim rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I _know_. Details, Hikaru, details.”

“So you know how you and I have made out?”

“Uh huh.” Jim makes a get-on-with-it gesture.

“Well…”

Once Hikaru starts telling Jim just how awesome it was to kiss Pavel, he can’t stop. Next thing he knows he’s trying to put into words the weird feeling he gets in his stomach when Pavel’s around. After his words finally find an end, he and Jim sit there nursing their beers. Hikaru’s vaguely aware that the game is paused.

Jim drains his beer, then heads to the kitchen and returns with two more. He clinks his new one with Hikaru. “Cheers, man.”

“Cheers.”

 

 

 

Just before Hikaru pulls into the driveway, he sees the light on in Pavel’s room. He gets a funny feeling in stomach, less the OMG-kissing-Pavel-is-way-hotter-than-I-ever-thought-it-would-be feeling, more a fuck-what-do-I-do-next feeling.

Why, oh why did he not hit up his most experienced friend for advice?

How stupid could he be?

Jim was there, probably pleasantly buzzed and relaxed, perfectly positioned to share. It would have been the ideal, non-embarrassing time for advice.

He drives by the house.

He can’t go home. He doesn’t know what the hell his next step should be.

Roses? Chocolate?

He nixes both of those. He’s already circling around on Clueless Guy Way. No need to go barrelling down Romantic Cliché Road. He is in serious need of GPS.

He knows what he has to do. But doesn’t want to do it.

Reluctantly, he hits speed dial #3 (his parents claim #1 and Jim #2) and waits for it to ring.

“Oh. My. God.” It’s actually at a reasonable decibel, despite the dramatics. “What is wrong that you’re actually calling _me_?”

“Chill, Mariko.” He rolls his eyes. Drums his fingers on the steering wheel. He’s passing the house again.

“Pfft! I’m not chilling. Is that how _high schoolers_ talk now? Really? It’s so two decades ago. Anyway, why are you calling? I’m on the edge of my seat here.”

He rolls his eyes again - it’s like a sister reflex or something - but he talks. “Okay, so I just need your _quick_ feedback on something that’s in  </i>no</i> way important.”

“Yeah, yeah. Spill!”

“Let’s say – hypothetically.”

“Riiight, hypothetical. Gotcha.”

“Hypothetically, you’re hitting it off with someone. You’ve made out once. What would you do next?”

“Oh-em-gee! Who? Did you and Nyota patch things up?”

“Ugh!” Hikaru shudders. “Don’t even suggest that!”

“Or have you and Jim finally admitted your undying love for each other and gone all Yaoi on me?”

Hikaru can’t help a snort. “ _Hypothetical_.”

“Fine.” She sighs. “Do you like this mystery person?”

Hikuru nods, then realizes that was stupid. “Yeah.”

“Okay, so I’ve found, totally _hypothetically_ , that people like you being direct. Just say you like her… or is it him?

Hikaru is pointedly silent.

Mariko continues. “Then let things go from there. ‘Play it by ear,’ as grandma always said.”

Her advice actually sounds, well, sound. When did she go from destroying his toys and beating him up to actually being a good older sister?

“That’s, um …” He’s at a loss for words, it’s not like he can _tell_ her that was helpful. “Thanks. That didn’t suck.”

She laughs. “I know. I rock. Try not to lay it on too thick. Anyway, I’m out, it’s Jamie’s birthday and we’re off to paint the town red.” She pauses. “I’m thinking literally.”

“Uh huh. Have fun,” he gets out before she’s ended the call.

He’s circled back to the house again.

This time he pulls in.

 

 

 

With Mariko’s advice fresh in his mind, he heads directly to Pavel’s room.

He closes the door behind him.

Pavel’s sitting at Mariko’s old desk, his laptop surrounded by textbooks and sheets of paper with scribbled notes on them. His hair is mussed, probably from running his hands through it, and there’s a rumpled air about him.

He’s the picture of a genius.

Not that Hikaru ever even hung an Einstein poster, let alone jerked off to one. But here he is, looking at Pavel and finding him totally hot.

Now that he’s actually in the room, following the advice is a lot harder than it had seemed in the car. He sits down on the bed to kill time.

He picks up the stuffed bunny – Flopsy, he thinks – that lives on the low bookshelf at the end of the bed and turns it over in his hand, wondering why his mom didn’t remove it. Maybe it reminds her too much of Mariko. It had been her favorite.

Pavel clears his throat.

Hikaru remembers where is he and why he’s here. He puts Flopsy down.

“So, Pavel.” His brain is being unhelpful. “How’s the work?” He gestures to the desk.

“Very well!” Pavel seems to brighten at a safe topic. “I have made excellent progress on my paper about Electromagnetic Induction and Faraday’s Law.”

“Ahh, right, that’s good.” Mariko’s advice is echoing in his head and he just wants to shut it up.

So he decides to employ a radical interpretation of the text.

Instead of _telling_ Pavel he likes him, he kisses him.

He’s leaning down, his hands mussing Pavel’s hair more, and feeling pretty happy with his communication skills. Who’s the genius now?

He’s feeling even happier when Pavel gives a soft moan and stands up, which makes deepening the kiss a hell of a lot easier.

They break away when they hear someone coming upstairs. It’s slow careful steps, so probably his dad. He won’t interrupt but his proximity is enough to break the mood.

Hikaru sits down on the bed again.

Pavel is back on his desk chair.

“So, yeah…” Hikaru smiles at his articulateness. “I just came to say that.”

“Say what?” Pavel’s clearly confused.

“That, I, you know.” He attempts a gesture. It’s also inarticulate. “Well, kissing you is nice.”

Pavel nods, comprehension dawning. “Yes, I like the kissing.” He smiles. “And I like you too.”

Before he can stop it, the biggest, dorkiest grin spreads across Hikaru’s face.

He takes a moment. Takes it in.

“Good.”

Doesn't even begin to cover it.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of weeks pass in a haze. A happy haze. A haze of happy.

School is mostly spent sneaking glances at Pavel and trying not to be too obvious. Hikaru doesn’t need the entire school to know he’s mooning over Pavel. (Even if he’s caught Pavel shooting looks his way, too, leaving him pretty confident that he’s not mooning alone.)

What Hikaru isn’t confident about is the safety of sneaking Pavel into a broom closet or under the bleachers. He admits it, he’s a wimp. But since it’s probably self-preservation wimpiness, he can deal.

Instead he saves all the making out for home – and Jim’s house, occasionally. But mostly home.

In one of their rooms, with the door closed and his parents either downstairs or out.

Again, safety. He’s all for it.

He suspects he’s in a closet but is okay with it for the time being.

Plus, he doesn’t have a lot of time to angst about his position. See above re: making out.

They haven’t done much else and Hikaru’s good with that. Okay, his lips are pretty chapped, but he’s liking the pace. Not that he doesn’t want to do more (and doesn’t fantasize about it in his room after their sessions), but where they are right now is good.

He still wishes there were a better word than good.

Good seems too simple, too just okay; there aren’t enough fireworks or rainbows or whatever the hell people describe _this_ as.

But since he doesn’t have the words, he’ll go with good.

He’s good with good.

 

 

 

“Good?”

“Mmm,” Pavel replies, lying sprawled out on his bed. They broke apart a few seconds ago (inspired by his mom’s call of, “Dinner in 10 boys!”).

Hikaru takes that as a “Yes.” He rolls to his side and props his head in his hand. “I like you like this.”

The corners of Pavel’s mouth hint at a smile. “Like what, Hikaru?”

“All relaxed.” He smiles back, buttons an undone button. “All debauched.”

“De…bauched…” Pavel’s thinking it out, Hikaru can tell. “Yes! Only because of you though, no one else.”

“Good.” Hikaru makes a show of trying to brush out wrinkles in Pavel’s shirt. “I like having you all to myself.”

Pavel leans over and kisses Hikaru’s cheek. It’s soft and sweet.

Downstairs at dinner he could be eating sawdust for all he knows.

His mom’s extended recounting of some drama with her sisters just washes over him.

All he thinks about is that kiss.

 

 

 

Kissing seems to be all Hikaru can think about anymore.

Okay, so he’s had that particular problem since puberty, but that was just some nameless, faceless idea. Now there’s a name and a face and, okay, maybe some thoughts that go beyond just kissing.

It’s Saturday, his parents are out on their monthly Costco run, and it feels like the perfect day for second base…

If only he knew what the hell that was for two guys.

Still, he’s got a plan.

Which naturally goes all to hell when he discovers that Pavel is ticklish. Really ticklish.

Hikaru makes this discovery when he pokes Pavel in the stomach because he’s too seriously reading from his Calculus textbook. Sure, Hikaru _could_ to be reading too (they have a test on Monday) but he has a plan.

Which gets screwed all to hell because of one simple poke.

Poking Pavel provokes an instantaneous giggle and squirm.

He’s tries it again. Same reaction.

He’s hooked.

The plan is forgotten as he chases Pavel all around the house. Somehow, although Pavel is much faster than Hikaru, he always gets caught.

Hikaru’s addicted.

He finally pins a helpless Pavel to the family room couch and triumphantly kisses him. A helpless, flushed and squirmy Pavel.

That’s when Hikaru decides that tickling is kinda sexy too, and maybe scrapping the plan wasn’t a bad idea.

It’s possible he may be addicted to Pavel.

As he presses against Pavel and deepens the kiss, he fleetingly wonders if Pavel is addicted too.

 

 

 

He gets his answer a few days later when the unexpected happens.

It’s lunchtime, but instead of heading for the cafeteria, Pavel drags him into the nearby music room’s storage closet. One of the few windowless places in the school.

All it takes is the mere _idea_ that they’ll be making out and Hikaru’s hard.

He takes over and pulls Pavel to him.

Things get hot and heavy fast and it soon becomes clear that making out isn’t going to do it for them anymore.

It doesn’t help Hikaru’s control that Pavel’s cheeks are bright pink or that he can hear Pavel’s breath quicken when he grinds against him.

Oh god. He’s too on the edge to keep this up, unless he wants to come in his pants.

The one remaining sane part of his brain forces him to pull back. Stop the madness. This is school, after all.

They break apart gasping.

After Hikaru has mentally listed as many of the chemical elements as he can remember, he feels calm enough to speak. “Okay, so, I think we should talk about, you know, sex.”

“Talk?” Pavel smiles. “Don’t you want to do it? The sex, I mean.”

“Hell yeah.” Hikaru doesn’t even have a second thought. And is impressed that Pavel doesn’t either. “But I don’t want to do it here.” He gestures at dusty music stands and instruments.

“Agreed.” Pavel nods seriously, like they’re discussing a science project or something. “I also would not like it here.”

“Also this is my… er, well, I thought this might be your first time. Is it?” Because he’s a coward, he avoids eye contact.

“Yes, no sex before.” Pavel manages to move into Hikaru’s line of vision and make eye contact. “And for you too, yes?”

He nods.

“Good. We both want sex. It is both our first time.” Pavel bites his lip, something he does when he’s formulating a plan. “Okay, it’s simple. We have the sex in your bed very soon.”

Even though it sounds like Pavel is suggesting the approach they will take to solve a complex Calculus problem, Hikaru is still turned on. Probably the combination of “sex” and “bed.”

“I like it.” He presses against Pavel and kisses his neck.

Pavel smiles. “It’s a plan.”

 

 

 

Their plan is foiled by none other than Thanksgiving.

Never has Hikaru been less thankful.

His sister’s back, which means he’s on the couch in the family room. (How come he’s the one who has to give up his room? Because his mother said so, that’s why.)

Not only does he not have his bed, but with Mariko home it’s like there’s no breathing space, forget private space, in the house.  
Also not helping is the endless stream of aunts, uncles and cousins. Never has Hikaru been less happy to see any of them. Despite all the good food they’re bringing.

His annoyance is starting to turn to murderous hatred towards the family, when the savior appears.

Or, well, calls Hikaru on the phone.

(Of course, Hikaru doesn’t let on about quite how miraculous Jim’s timing is. Can’t let Jim, no matter how helpful he is, get an even bigger ego. It’s a service Hikaru does for the world, really.)

Still, ego or no, when they bowed their heads to give thanks before the big meal this year, Jim totally should have been at the top of Hikaru’s list.

Well, maybe second, after Pavel.

 

 

 

He gives thanks again when it’s just he and Pavel in the car. It’s blessedly quiet.

They don’t talk on the way there.

Not because they’re awkward, ’cause things are pretty comfortable right now, but because they’re both happy to not be answering endless questions posed by well-meaning but annoyingly curious relatives.

Thank god for the “test” Jim reminded him they had to study for.

Come to think of it, it’s pretty incredible that Pavel went along with it. He hates to lie, although he seems to be doing more of it lately.

When they stop at a light, he turns and looks at Pavel. “Thanks for going along with the whole test thing. I know honesty’s more your thing.”

The light turns green but he catches Pavel smile before returning his eyes to the road. “I never had a reason to lie before.”

“Ahh.” Hikaru grins. “So sneaking out to be with your boyfriend is a good reason?”

He sneaks a glance at Pavel; he’s turned bright red, but his voice is steady. “Very good reason.”

 

 

 

They slip into their usual patterns at Jim’s, which is kinda nice.

He’s enjoying hearing McCoy’s annoyed tone from the other room because it means Pavel has started a debate. Hikaru had also forgotten how much he loves one-on-one time with Jim.

Even if the guy is kicking his ass.

“Fuck,” he says when he’s creamed by Jim. “Man, it is good to swear again. Fuck, my place is crazy right now.”

“Aw, come on.” Jim sits back with a triumphant smile. “All that family? Can’t be all bad.”

Jim says things like that with a light tone, but Hikaru catches something underneath.

He wants to say something. About how it sucks that Jim’s mom isn’t around. Ever. That he’s in this huge house all by himself.

Instead he says, “Suppose you’re right. But I’m still glad to be here with you.”

“Can’t stay away, can you? What can I say? I’m irresistible.”

He punches Jim lightly on the arm. “That you are, that you are.”

“Hey!” Pavel appears and hits Jim on his other arm, hard. But with a smile on his face.

“Ow!” Jim rubs his arm. “What the hell, kid?”

“You don’t hit on my boyfriend.” He’s clearly enjoying razzing Jim about something for a change, but Hikaru suspects there’s a hint of seriousness there too.

Jim catches it as well.

“Aw, he’s a possessive one.” Jim dodges Pavel’s arm and pulls him into a hug. “Guess he’s good enough for you, Hikaru.”

Pavel laughs and squirms away. He surprises Hikaru by coming over and sitting down on his lap.

“Is this your way of saying video game time is over?” Hikaru asks.

Pavel shrugs, looking simultaneously innocent and evil.

McCoy has joined them, too, which really does mean the end of the gaming. Jim turns the TV off, which sucks because Hikaru really doesn’t want to move right now. He likes the weight of Pavel on him.

And how close the back of Pavel’s neck is to him. He can see these pale hairs against Pavel’s paler skin. He brushes them with a quick finger movement. Pavel shifts.

He moves just enough that Hikaru catches Jim and McCoy exchanging a _look._

Which is confirmed when Jim stands up, stretches. “I’m just going to the kitchen with Bones here,” he stares pointedly at McCoy, “to see about a snack.”

McCoy gets up grumbling something Hikaru can’t make out and suspects he’s better off not hearing. Jim practically drags him from the room.

Pavel leans back fully against him. “That was nice of them.”

“Huh?” Hikaru’s focus is on the blond hairs he’s found on Pavel’s arm.

“To leave us alone. Your friends are very nice.”

“Oh yeah, friends, good.” He kisses the back of Pavel’s neck and wraps an arm around him. “I have you all to myself.”

Pavel laughs. “Oh yeah?” There’s a challenge in his tone. “What are you going to do about it?”

Surprising himself, Hikaru has Pavel flipped over lying on his back on the couch and is straddling him by the time Pavel’s finished his question.

“Oh,” is all Hikaru lets Pavel say for a long time.

He only stops when the sounds from the kitchen get loud, like Jim is banging two pots together (which he probably is).

Probably good, too, because Hikaru was so about to lose his cool.

He doesn’t sit up right away – he knows that was Jim’s 30 second warning. Sure he’s hot and his knee is starting to hurt stretched out at this weird angle, but he wants just a little longer to appreciate Pavel pressed against him.

Hear Pavel’s breath in his ear.

Feel the brush of lips against his cheek.

He’s using up every last second.

 

 

 

On the drive home, Hikaru’s mind catches up to something he’d missed earlier thanks to horniness. There’s nothing like the proximity of family to drive away thoughts of sex.

“You know,” he starts, “they’re not just my friends.”

Pavel pauses from rejecting everything on the radio. “Sorry, what?” Pavel’s hand slips from the easy rock station he’d stopped on and now there’s just static on the radio.

“Ack!” Hikaru hits a preset button and never has LMFAO been a more welcome sound. “Jim and McCoy, they’re your friends too.”

“Right.” Pavel nods but still looks confused. Which is really just him not looking like he’s ten steps ahead of everyone else.

“Earlier you called them my friends.” They’ve arrived home but neither of them makes a move to get out of the car. “They’re yours too. Hell, I think McCoy likes you more than me. In fact, I know he does.”

Pavel nods, but doesn’t say anything. He’s just sitting there looking at his lap.

“Pavel.” He grabs Pavel’s hand and holds it. “What’s going on?”

“Really? They are my friends?”

He nods, which forces Pavel to meet his eyes. He looks a little sad. “Of course! When I was an asshole to you,” he checks the house but no one seems to have noticed they’re home, “McCoy was mad at me and Jim told me he missed you.”

“Oh!” A smile seems to envelope Pavel’s face. “That is good! I mean, not about that time, but being friends.” He looks down at his lap again. “I have not many friends back home.”

Hikaru’s not sure what feels worse: that without these circumstances he wouldn’t have even been friends with Pavel, or that Pavel is basically friendless back home.

He pulls Pavel into an awkward side hug.

“They don’t know what they’re missing.”

 

 

 

“Okay, what am I missing?”

It’s the next day and Mariko has managed to corner him alone in her own (old) room.

“Uh.” Hikaru stares at Flopsy, who’s still hanging out on the bookshelf. “Missing?”

Mariko – clearly following his eyeline – picks up Flopsy and then flops back on her Hello Kitty-less bed. “Fill me in. What’s new around here?” She folds back Flopsy’s ear and fails at carelessly casual. “What’s new with you?”

“Eh.” Hikaru shrugs, tries on some of the carelessly casual himself. “Not much. Pavel’s the only new thing.”

He sits down beside her and folds back Flopsy’s other ear.

“He’s okay,” Hikaru adds. He doesn’t feel like adding more.

Mariko rolls her eyes. “Seriously? Could you be any less verbose? I don’t care about Pavel, tell me about this hypothetical someone!”

“It’s like you don’t understand hypothetical.”

“Oh please, I know all about hypothetical.” She tosses Flopsy in the air and catches him. “At least tell me if things have moved beyond the hypothetical.”

Hikaru stares at Pavel’s suitcase, which is peeking out of the closet.

“Yeah. No longer hypothetical.”

Mariko sighs. It sounds like a sigh of relief. “So things are good.”

“Yeah.” Hikaru closes his eyes. He can see Pavel’s curls and his still dorky clothes. “Very good.”

 

 

 

Things get even better when Mariko and the others clear out. Even though Mariko wasn’t as annoying as usual, Hikaru’s still glad to see her off to school.

Of course, by the time the hoard of relatives left, Pavel had charmed them all and they included him in their goodbye hugs and kisses.

It was awesome to see him bending down to hug Hikaru’s tiny round grandmother.

But fuck all that, he’s so happy it’s just four of them in the house again. And most important of all, he has his room back.

This means the vague planless plan is back on.

It would help if he wasn’t so fucking terrified.

 

 

 

Fortunately, it turns out that Pavel is terrified, too.

It’s not hard to tell.

The next time they’re alone together (an exciting Saturday of errands for his parents), Pavel does everything he can to keep the mood unsexy. He talks about homework, suggests making a homework schedule, explains it’s imperative that they study for Physics _right now_. And when he’s not doing that, he’s pacing around the room and keeping an arm’s length away from Hikaru.

“Pavel!” he interrupts some new discussion of a special Physics study schedule. “It’s okay.” Pavel looks at him like he’s crazy, which may be possible. “I know we have a plan, but I’m not going to jump you right now.”

Pavel sits down on the bed, his face red.

Hikaru pulls Pavel into a hug.

After it becomes uncomfortable sitting there, he gently guides them both down so they’re lying on the bed side by side, his arm around Pavel.

They lie there like that till Hikaru’s arm falls asleep and he has to move it.

Then end up studying for Physics, after all, which seems to relax Pavel a lot.

So much so that, after an hour of focus, Hikaru shoves Pavel’s book away and kisses him. He keeps it sweet and chaste, lets Pavel set the pace.

They make out until his parents return home, then they go back to studying.

 

 

 

Not surprisingly, Jim provides the solution to their mutual – and, Hikaru feels, understandable – terror of sex.

Jim and Hikaru are driving around together, drinking milkshakes and shooting the shit, as per usual while Pavel’s working with Nyota.

The shit gets serious when Hikaru fails at their easy banter.

Jim pulls into a Target parking lot and turns to face Hikaru. “Okay, man, what’s up? Don’t be shy, you can tell Doctor Jim.”

“Just because your boyfriend’s going to be a doctor doesn’t _remotely_ qualify you as one.”

Jim just raises an eyebrow.

“Fine.” Hikaru watches a mother chase her kid who’s running with the shopping cart. “It’s just we’re both ready for, well, you know… but it’s not so easy to just do it, you know?”

Jim smirks. “I’m not sure I do know.”

Hikaru sighs. “Sex, okay, Pavel and I, we want to have it. But now that it’s out there, we’re both dancing around the issue.”

“Ahhh,” Jim starts the car and heads out of the parking lot. “Don’t worry, Doctor Jim has the answer.”

They don’t say much after that but, oddly, Hikaru isn’t worrying. This _is_ Jim’s area of expertise, after all. He waits while Jim goes into his house and returns a few minutes later with a book.

He slaps it into Hikaru’s hand. “Read it. Give it to Pavel to read.”

“Okay.” Hikaru stuffs the book deep into his bag. “Uh, thanks.”

“No problem. What’re friends for?” Jim smirks. “Soon you boys’ll be fucking like bunnies and it’ll be all thanks to me!”

Hikaru snorts.

“I give you _The Joy of Gay Sex_ , and this is the thanks I get.” Jim affects a hurt tone. “See if I ever do anything for you again.”

“Right, you’re so hard done by. No one appreciates you. Definitely not your best friend.”

“This is what I’m saying!” Jim gestures wildly. “I give and I give and I give, and what? Nothing!”

“So sad.”

“True that, my horny friend.”

Hikaru pretends to hit his head against the dashboard. “Why are we friends again?”

“Because I’m awesome.”

“Right, that _must_ be it. You’re awesome.”

“Truer words, man, truer words.”

 

 

 

The book is actually helpful. Basically it reminds him he knows what to do, he’s prepared. So now it’s just about the right time.

He gives the book to Pavel, who looks ecstatic to have study material.

At least this is one subject that will actually have real life application.

Hikaru’s looking forward to Pavel getting to the oral sex section.

He’s happy to spend as many hours as it’ll take to get that down.

 

 

 

Hikaru is just drifting off – in between asleep and awake –when he feels his bed dip.

“Are you awake, Hikaru?” Pavel whispers.

He totally is now. “Yeah.”

He can feel a warm Pavel press against his side and can’t resist turning over so they’re facing each other.

Pavel scoots closer and kisses Hikaru, softly.

They lie like that for a while, just kissing not touching. Until Pavel starts moving his hand up and down Hikaru’s side. It’s almost hypnotic. It’s nice.

Hikaru returns the gesture, then finds his hand sliding under Pavel’s pajama shirt and pressing into Pavel’s lower back, pulling him closer.

Soon Pavel slides a leg between Hikaru’s.

Hikaru yanks Pavel fully against him, so there’s no space between them.

Pavel moans and bites Hikaru’s lip.

Things speed up.

Hands become frantic and go everywhere.

Hikaru’s on top, then Pavel, then Hikaru again.

Now all he can think about is getting off and he knows Pavel’s thinking the same thing.

Hikaru grinds into Pavel. Pavel grinds back into Hikaru.

It’s not long before they’re gasping into each others’ ears and coming.

Hikaru wants to flop on his back, but he wants even more to pull Pavel close, which he does.

He’s drifting off to sleep when Pavel whispers in his ear. “It is best I return to my bed. Your mother.”

Hikaru groans as Pavel slides out of bed, but doesn’t say anything else. Pavel presses a brief kiss on Hikaru’s lips and is gone.

Hikaru’s bed has never felt so big.

 

 

 

They don’t talk about it the next day. The school routine is the same, no illicit make out sessions. Pavel seems pretty intent on his studies, and without thinking about it, Hikaru follows suit.

That night Hikaru lies in bed debating whether to sneak into Pavel’s room or not.

He’s just sliding a foot out of bed when there’s a creak in the hall. The leg is back under the covers without conscious thought.

When his door opens silently a minute later and his bed dips, he smiles.

He keeps smiling even when Pavel’s cold hands are on his back. By the time sharp kisses trail down his neck, Hikaru’s too far gone to know whether he’s smiling or not.

And when a hesitant hand starts to rub his dick through his pajamas, Hikaru’s not sure he remembers his own name.

Afterward, Hikaru’s still surprised that he had the guts to slide down and take Pavel’s dick in his mouth. It was as awkward and messy as he’d imagined.

Also, hotter.

What with Pavel flailing and wildly grabbing at Hikaru’s hair. And biting on his own arm to keep quiet.

It’s enough to make Hikaru come. Untouched.

That’s the most surprising part.

 

 

 

Hikaru finds he wants to do more than just “the sex” with Pavel.

He takes Pavel to some mindless movie, ones with lots of explosions and very ripped guys (it’s like Hollywood designed the movie just for them) and holds his hand the entire time.

Even when his hand falls asleep, he doesn’t stop.

Neither does Pavel.

 

 

 

Not that Hikaru isn’t interested in or enjoying the sex. Sometimes it’s all he can think about. Normally at the most inconvenient times, like during family dinner or Physics.

Pavel’s visits are now nightly.

They haven’t moved beyond oral and jerking each other off, but things are getting more intense. Once he came on Pavel’s stomach, which was the hottest thing ever.

The problem is: Hikaru knows he won’t be able to keep quiet if he actually gets to fuck Pavel.

So they’re stalled out.

 

 

 

Christmas break and The Return of Mariko loom ever larger and Hikaru is still planless.

Until, oddly enough, Mariko’s visit provides the solution.

“Maybe we should break up the trip, Yuji,” his mother says, her fork paused above her plate. “Seven hours is a long drive for one day.”

“Jane,” his dad sighs, setting his glass down. “It’s a fourteen hour round trip, there’s not enough time to take pleasure stops.”

The time argument seems dodgy in Hikaru’s book, considering his parents’ retired status.

“Pleasure stops? This is about safety. At your age you can’t drive that much. You’re not twenty-one anymore.”

Pavel is following the “discussion” like it’s a tennis match.

His dad sighs again. “If we want a day to visit the campus, we can’t take extra stops.”

Now _that’s_ a winning argument. He knows the whole point of this repeat campus “visit” is to inspect Mariko’s living situation and ensure it meets their immaculate standards.

“Perhaps you’re right. And if we leave early we’ll arrive before dark.”

Hikaru assumes “early” is some ungodly hour he will inexplicably need to be awake at, too. Even though he’s staying home.

And he won’t be alone.

Suddenly he’s never been happier about his parents’ overparenting.

He knows the day is coming soon when he will hate it and it may ruin everything, but for now he’s going with happy.

Hikaru’s a teenager - he’s not supposed to be thinking about the future.

“Do you think you boys will be alright?”

“Huh?” Hikaru had lost the thread of the dinner conversation.

“Alright while your dad and I are gone?”

“Oh, right, yes!” Hikaru carefully doesn’t look at Pavel.

Pavel nods. “Absolutely!”

 

 

 

Apparently Pavel’s presence has lulled his parents into a false sense of security because they have no qualms leaving the two of them alone.

Naturally his mom fills the freezer with enough food to feed ten of them for a month. And that’s not counting the food that’s in the fridge or the money she left for pizza. (“A treat for you boys.”) But that’s clearly out of concern for their eating habits, nothing else.

Hikaru is worried he may be tipping his hand by helpfully carrying their bags to the car.

He’s one step down from literally shoving them out of the door.

But their sheer ecstasy at seeing Mariko blinds them to any of Hikaru’s ulterior motives.

And, boy, does he have some ulterior motives.

“Boy” being the operative word.

 

 

 

Being alone together proves to be good in theory but awkward in practice.

They spend the first hour drinking soda and watching the TV from opposite sides of the couch. There’s something on about auctions and a storage locker full of women’s shoes, Hikaru’s not really following.

He keeps sneaking looks at Pavel but never catches his eye.

This goes on until out of desperation he asks himself, _WWJD?_ What would Jim do? And, bam, he knows the answer.

It still takes him a minute to move closer and put an arm around Pavel, but he’s confident about his move. Especially when he employs the patented Jim Kirk technique of lightly stroking Pavel’s arm. It works like charm; he actually feels Pavel relaxing.

Pretty soon one thing leads to another and they’re making out on the couch like, well, the teenagers that they are.

Pretty soon after that, Hikaru has his hand under Pavel’s shirt and is pinching his nipple while Pavel’s hands squeeze Hikaru’s ass.

Pretty soon the couch isn’t big enough and Hikaru finds himself dragging Pavel upstairs.

Pretty soon isn’t good enough, Hikaru wants _now_.

 

 

 

Now in his bedroom, Hikaru slows down, takes a breath.

Lying beneath him, Pavel is doing the same.

Hikaru has a second to wonder if he should light a candle, turn on some music, something appropriate, when Pavel pulls him down into a fierce kiss.

His brain loses track of its train, let alone its thoughts.

 

 

 

He finds himself lost in Pavel. His skin, exploring it.

He can’t get enough of the skin over Pavel’s collarbone.

It’s hard not to be distracted by Pavel’s hands, how they feel touching Hikaru.

Pavel traces a finger lightly down Hikaru’s back and he shivers.

He finds himself yanking off clothes – his, Pavel’s, whatever he can reach. He only realizes Pavel is helping when he feels his pants and underwear being shoved down his legs.

He kicks them off and realizes he’s naked.

He stops.

Pavel stops.

They stare at each other. Breathe.

Pavel’s pupils are huge, his cheeks red.

The flush in those cheeks gets Hikaru going again. He reaches into his drawer so the condom and lube will be close at hand.

Something about safe sex supplies makes things very real. “Pavel, are you, you know, sure? I don’t want to rush you, or anything. Make you feel –”

Pavel places a hand on Hikaru’s chest. “Stop, Hikaru. I want this.” There’s a shake to his voice, but no doubt of his sincerity. “Fuck me, please, Hikaru. Now.”

And that’s all Hikaru needs to hear.

 

 

 

There may have been some awkwardness with the lube.

It’s also possible it took some time to find a good position.

And that things didn’t last very long.

But Hikaru doesn’t remember any of that.

He remembers how tight Pavel felt.

How he felt he could hardly move.

That, at some point, Pavel seemed to let go and just _feel_.

That Hikaru did, too.

It’s probably true that their first time wasn’t porn worthy, but Hikaru doesn’t care.

Because it was awesome.

“We wait a few more minutes, then try again, yes?”

And they’re just getting started.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Three days never felt so short.

At least he’d (miraculously) convinced Pavel to skip school with him so they had that last day all to themselves.

He tries to remind himself of this now, when all he’s plotting is Mariko’s death.

It’s not her fault. Not really.

He’s repeating it like a mantra as she drags him into her room, shuts the door.

“You had sex!” Her tone is triumphant – she does like figuring things out – and – could it be? – impressed.

“Huh?” Hikaru doesn’t have to fake the stunned reaction.

“You. Had. Sex.”

“How can you tell?” he blurts out, still stunned.

She waves her hand at him. “There’s something different about you.”

He looks down at himself – all looks normal. “How is that something you can even tell? Looking different, that isn’t even a real thing.”

She crosses her arms. “Well, am I right or not?”

Hikaru glances at the door, lowers his voice. “Fine. Okay. I don’t know what kind of freaky intuition you have.”

“Try not to sound so excited about it.” She smirks and sits on the bed, pats a space near her. He complies.

“Talking to my sister about sex, especially sex I may be having, is not something I want to do. Ever.”

Mariko rolls her eyes.

They sit there in silence for a few minutes before it clearly gets to Mariko.

“Well, do I get to meet…” she eyes him speculatively, “…him?”

“Seriously, what kind of X-Men powers do have?” Hikaru’s beginning to believe Mariko’s IQ scores.

“Relax. I haven’t gone all mutant on you. I’ve suspected that you’re gay for a while.”

Oddly, Hikaru _does_ relax. Not because of her words but because of her tone: calm, matter-of-fact, accepting.

“Uh, good?” he attempts.

“Well?” Mariko prompts.

“Well, what?” He’s genuinely confused.

“Are you going to tell me about him?

“Uhhh.” It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell her about Pavel. It’s just that their close proximity will make things awkward. Very awkward. There’ll be no way of avoiding the sister-boyfriend meeting.

He settles for vague.

“He’s new. Smart, freaky smart like you. Honest, calls me on my shit. Nice. You know.”

“Ah yes, you paint a vivid picture.” She elbows him. “Fine, be a cagey little shit. Are you happy at least?”

Hikaru doesn’t even need to think about it. “Yes.”

“Good.”

They sit in much more comfortable silence for a few more minutes before Hikaru stands up to leave. His hand is on the doorknob when she throws the shot that pierces through him like ice.

“You know, you’ll have to tell mom and dad.”

 

 

 

“I told my parents.”

There’s that icy feeling again. Hikaru sits up so fast he feels a bit lightheaded. “What?”

“I told my parents,” Pavel repeats slowly, like _Hikaru’s_ the ESL. “About you and I. Last night during our Skype chat.”

“You… ah, that’s… uh… yes, so.” Hikaru used to know how to speak before Pavel came into his life.

“Yes.” Pavel nods, as if Hikaru’s said something coherent. “They were pleased, mostly.”

“Mostly?” Hikaru parrots.

Pavel shrugs. “Mom is not happy that we live in the same house. Dad would like to meet you, over Skype. But they seem good. They are not surprised. I told them I am homosexual last year.”

“I see.” Hikaru doesn’t see. How does everything seem so matter-of-fact in the Chekov household? “How did they take it when you told them you’re,” he rubs his knee, “gay?”

“Very good.”

Hikaru’s feeling of _Really?!_ must be showing on his face because Pavel continues: “They said it was no surprise, I never had girlfriends. My Uncle Andrei is a gay, is that the word here?”

Hikaru nods. Wordless still.

“So they already know about such…things.” Pavel places a hand on Hikaru’s. “They are professors, no not the word. Well, they are professors, but I mean, they are intellectuals. They read until they understand.”

Pavel’s hand is warm.

Hikaru leans back again – they’d been lying back against the headboard. He takes a few moments just breathing.

“That’s good,” he says, finally. “I’m not sure it will be like that with my folks.”

Pavel shifts and puts his arm around Hikaru. “You do not know that. Your parents are good people.”

“Yeah,” Hikaru sighs. “This will just be so… _foreign_ to them.”

 

 

 

“Did we tell you, Hikaru,” his mom passes him the beans, “that your cousin Evie is studying to be a teacher?”

It’s a simple question. Not complicated at all. But Hikaru’s brain is far away in the oh-fuck-how-do-I-tell-my-parents-I’m-gay land of panic.

“Um, er, oh teacher?” Hikaru manages vaguely.

“Oh really?” Pavel leans in, as if this is the most fascinating news he’s ever heard. “What will be her specialty?”

He gulps some of his water, then notices his dad eyeing him. He swallows too quickly and it goes down the wrong way. He’s saved from him dad asking him anything by his mother rushing over to comfort him, and remind him how to correctly drink a beverage.

He barely manages to resist an eye roll.

Pavel doesn’t.

As he leaves the dinner table and walks upstairs to his room, he feels like he’s sneaking around.

Even though he’s moving in plain sight.

 

 

 

He doesn’t feel he can exhale until the next day when he’s doing just that in Jim’s car.

He passes the joint to Jim. “God, I needed that.”

“I know.” Jim takes a while to thoroughly inhale. “You’ve been more uptight than Mr. Spock lately, and only he can make it sexy.”

Hikaru rolls his eyes.

They pass the joint back and forth until it’s finished.

“Pavel told his parents about us.”

“Yeah?”

“They took it well.”

“Should hope so, Pavel’s always going on about their greatness.”

“I don’t think my folks will react… well. At all.” Hikaru sighs. All the tension is back.

Jim fiddles with his lighter, turning it off and on. “But you want to tell them?”

Even though it’s phrased like a question, it’s clearly not. “It feels,” not wrong, but maybe, “dishonest not to.”

“Should have known you’d have some noble reason like that.” Jim slings his arm around Hikaru and pulls him close. It’s awkward with the parking break between them, but Hikaru doesn’t move away.

Hikaru rests his head against Jim’s shoulder and wishes for this moment to never end.

It does end, of course, the way that moments do.

“Okay,” Jim pulls back, looking serious, “here’s what you need to do. Don’t break it to them all at once. Do what I did with mom, first tell them you’re a big ole queer. Give them time to get used to it. If you can time it the day before a long business trip, I advise it. Once some time has passed, _then_ tell them about you and Pavel.”

“That’s…” Hikaru thinks through the plan, “really smart.”

“Well,” Jim stretches, “I _am_ a genius.”

Some of the tension leaves Hikaru’s shoulders. “It could actually work.”

“Duh,” Jim says.

 

 

 

The timing is good. Pavel had been studying at Nyota’s and stayed for dinner, so it’s just the three of them. Hikaru and his serious-looking mom and dad.

Hikaru now realizes what an effective buffer Pavel has been.

His mom is actually asking him if there’s something he wants to tell them. How do they _know_ these things?

“What? Why?” Hikaru manages.

“I thought something might be bothering you.” His mom puts down her water. “You’ve hardly touched the Udon, and it’s your favorite.”

It’s true, it is. His mom adds just the right amount of salt, it’s addictive.

Hikaru genuinely feels hot around the collar and tugs at his t-shirt. “Actually, it’s good you asked,” he says around a suddenly dry mouth.

His dad lays down his spoon.

It’s like a standoff, over Udon. Not exactly a showdown at high noon, but somehow that’s exactly how it feels.

“Okay, so.” Hikaru runs a hand through his hair. “This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, and, well,” he decides to just go for it, “I’m gay.”

There’s silence.

Hikaru swears he can hear a clock ticking, even though they don’t have any analog clocks anymore. Maybe it’s a neighbor’s.

He should say something else, but can’t think of anything other than, “I used to be about 88 percent sure I was gay, but now that I’ve fucked a boy? One hundred.” And that doesn’t seem quite appropriate.

“Gay,” his mom says, nodding. “Okay, thank you for telling us.”

His dad nods.

Hikaru exhales. He hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath.

“We just want you to be happy.” His mom looks him in the eye. “Are you?”

Hikaru nods, not trusting himself to speak.

They all go back to their bowls.

Hikaru eats his soup, blinking furiously.

 

 

 

He helps with the dishes and when he’s done, his mom gives him a quick hug and pats his shoulder. “You’re a good boy,” she murmurs.

Maybe he should have told them he was gay sooner. Maybe they would have cut him some slack.

Nah, never would have happened.

 

 

He’s retreating to his room when his dad waves him into the study.

His dad hands him a picture.

“Is this grandma? Your mom?” He’s never been big into the family photos.

His dad nods.

“This was taken a year before the war.” He doesn’t have to say which one. “Before they were sent to the Internment Camps.”

“She’s young. Like 13, maybe?”

“Somewhere around there. She didn’t talk about it much.”

“I can’t even imagine.” It’s the kind of history Hikaru doesn’t like to think about.

“So long ago. Sometimes I think things have changed, but when I watch the news I wonder.” His dad shakes his head.

Hikaru doesn’t know what to say. He gazes at this serious girl standing beside a fishing boat.

“When the government _apologized_ ,” his dad pauses, “your grandparents invested the money for their grandchildren.”

“Really?” This is news to Hikaru.

“It’s paying for your sister’s education, and will pay for yours.” Hikaru can hear the unspoken, “so don’t screw it up.”

“That’s, wow. Great to know I don’t have to worry about big student loans.” Seeing his dad’s look, he hastily adds, “But don’t worry, I will study hard. Now and in the future.”

His dad nods.

Before they can do their usual hug avoidance, his mom comes in. “Hikaru, I’ve just remembered that that actor from the Star Trekking movies, George Takei, is gay! I’ve always liked him!”

“Yeah, he’s great. I like him, too.”

Hikaru leaves chuckling.

 

 

 

It’s only when he’s back in his room that the other shoe drops.

_He still has to tell them about Pavel._

 

 

 

When Pavel sneaks into his room later, Hikaru hugs him tight.

For the first time in a long time, they just lie there, no kissing or anything.

It’s actually not bad.

 

 

 

Pavel wants to be there when Hikaru tells his parents about them. Of course he does, he loves this honesty crap. And is all about integrity.

Hikaru may respect the hell out of Pavel’s integrity, but he questions the wisdom of them revealing the news together.

Still, it’s not like he has a better idea.

 

 

 

It’s a week and a half after Hikaru’s gay revelation, and they’re just finishing dinner.

Pavel brushes his foot against Hikaru’s, and he knows it’s time.

He takes a long drink of water. Hydration is important, he thinks slightly hysterically.

“So, uh, mom, dad, we, uh, I mean, Pavel and I…” Pavel nods at him, smiles. “We want to tell you something.”

“Oh?” His mom furrows her brow, like she did the one time Mariko wasn’t top of her class.

“Well, you see, Pavel and I are dating. We, um,” he glances at Pavel who smiles again, “like each other a lot.”

His dad is the master of poker face right now. Lady Gaga would be proud.

His mom picks up her water glass, then puts it back down.

“I am sorry. I do not wish to be ungrateful for your hospitality.” Pavel sounds formal, awkward.

His dad stands up. “Pavel, could you give us some privacy? Jane and I need to talk to Hikaru alone.”

“No, that’s not – ” His dad shoots him a look, and Hikaru stops talking.

Pavel nods. “Of course. Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Sulu.”

They sit in silence, as if they’re all listening to Pavel walk down the hall, into his bedroom and close the door.

“Hikaru,” his dad is frowning, “this is serious. You can’t be ‘dating,’” his dad actually uses air quotes, “a kid – a guest – living in our house.”

“He’s not a kid, he’s sixteen.” Hikaru’s not really sure that’s the winning argument.

His mom places a hand on his. “It’s not appropriate.”

“But his parents know!” Hikaru’s pretty sure _this_ isn’t the winning argument either. “And they’re okay with it.” That may be exaggerating, since it didn’t sound like they were too keen on the cohabitation thing either.

His dad sighs and it somehow makes Hikaru see all his dad’s wrinkles. “We’re not okay with this situation.”

“But, I think – ” Desperation is building inside him.

“No.” His dad’s voice is firm. “Your mom and I need to discuss how to proceed. You’re excused.”

 

 

 

It takes all of Hikaru’s will power not to burst into Pavel’s room (and possibly hysterics). Instead he slips into his own room and closes the door.

It’s just not the kind of situation for slamming even though Hikaru has all this energy inside him. Like at this moment he’s sure he could single-handedly lead the football team to victory, just ploughing through the opposing linebackers as if they’re nothing.

Instead he paces.

And clenches his fists.

Unclenches them.

Continues pacing.

It’s a long night.

 

 

 

It’s three a.m. and his brain has worked through every awful “what if” scenario. Each one has Pavel farther away from him than the preceding one.

With no solution or sleep in sight, Hikaru tiptoes out of his room and into Pavel’s.

Not surprisingly, Pavel is awake.

He slides onto the bed beside Pavel, careful to avoid creaking bed springs.

He takes Pavel’s hand.

He exhales.

Pavel squeezes his hand and is silent.

There’s nothing to say.

 

 

 

After the tense silence of breakfast, it’s actually a relief to be at school.

Jim sauntering towards him, like he doesn’t have a care in the world, is the best thing Hikaru’s seen all day. Pavel just tore himself from Hikaru’s side to go to his English class and Hikaru feels like a part of him is gone forever.

“Hey, Hikaru, so Bones and I – oh god, who died?” Jim peers at his face. “Oh _god_ , who died?”

Hikaru doesn’t think he can talk about it, but it all comes out in a tumble of words. Somehow, Jim parses the mess and responds by wrapping Hikaru in a hug. He should be embarrassed but only feels grateful.

Jim is in the midst of formulating an insane and improbable plan that involves Bones impersonating Jim’s mom (who’s unhelpfully away on business) so that Pavel can stay at Jim’s place, when Hikaru figures out the (at least temporary) solution to his problems.

He holds up a hand. “I’ve got a better idea. Well, actually a horrible idea. Definitely the worst idea ever, except for yours.”

 

 

When Hikaru was eight he got in trouble for hitting his sister. All he recalls about the incident is his deep sense that an injustice had been done. And that his only recourse was to run away.

In other words, he filled his backpack with an impractical assortment of toys and comics, and walked two blocks to the Uhura home.

He remembers the way they invited him in and how Mr. Uhura made him the best tasting grilled cheese sandwich. He remembers dipping it in ketchup and grinning across the table at Nyota.

He remembers that warm smile now as he approaches her, lead in his gut.

She looks up, a book in her hand, and frowns. “Hikaru.”

It’s not promising, but he remembers Pavel’s words when they arrived to school – _“It’ll be okay, Hikaru”_ – and knows that he has to make it so.

“Uh.” Of course that doesn’t make him suddenly eloquent. “So my parents – well, Pavel and I – you see, we’re – ”

Nyota holds up a hand. “Hikaru, I’m going to stop you there. I heard what happened from Pavel.”

Hikaru breathes a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay?” She sounds like she really wants to know.

“Me?” Hikaru’s panic mode hasn’t extended to how _he_ feels. “Worried about Pavel. Sorta freaking out.”

“Yeah.” She nods. They stand there for a second, her arm moves towards him but stops and she tucks some hair behind her ear instead. “Is there – ? Let me know if I can help.”

“Actually,” Hikaru takes a deep breath, “there was something I wanted to ask you.”

 

 

 

Two weeks pass, but with everything that happens it feels more like two months.

His parents don’t have the full-on meltdown he’d imagined. Rather, they remain calm and rationally investigate the best options for Pavel.

It turns out Mr. Spock can be quite useful in this kind of situation, and helps them find a new home for Pavel: Jim’s. Not only is Jim delighted by getting to interact with Mr. Spock (“one sexy motherfucker”), but he also seems pretty happy to have a roommate. Against all odds, Mrs. Kirk returns home at the height of the Pavel Housing Crisis and agrees to the plan.

Even more improbable, the whole Housing Crisis results in a second positive interaction between him and Nyota. Still awkward, maybe, especially on Hikaru’s part, but nice.

Genuine.

 

 

 

His conversation with Mariko is more dramatic.

“Oh. My. God.”

Hikaru holds the phone away from his ear.

“Pavel? And you? You and Pavel?!”

“Yeah.” A smile creeps on his face.

“You and the boy living in my room. Oh my god, my bed,” Mariko chokes out.

“Whoa, whoa, it’s cool.” He holds his hand up, even though she can’t see it. “Your bed is the safe virginal temple it always has been.”

Mariko harrumphs.

“Don’t worry, now that mom and dad know, I’m sure they won’t leave us alone in the house ever again.”

“You never know, they’ve been pretty cool about all this.” He can hear music and laughter in the background, dorm life sounds loud. “I swear they’re easier on you than me. Probably because you’re a boy.”

“What?!” Hikaru snorts. “As if I could live up to perfect princess you. They got me an exchange student because they felt my A minuses weren’t good enough. Although that turned out differently than they’d hoped.”

It’s Mariko’s turn to snort. “Mom and dad: the accidental matchmakers. Maybe I’ll move back home and we can get another exchange student. I’m visualizing a tall basketball player type.” The background noise gets louder. “Okay, gotta go. Later, loser.”

“Yeah, bye.”

He had to go anyway, Pavel is coming over dinner tonight. This won’t be weird at all.

 

 

 

It’s actually not that weird. It feels like all the other family dinners, except for the last awkward revelatory one. Pavel is politely inquiring about his parents’ days, and they about his.

“Ms. Marcus says my English is very improved. I can move to regular English classes!” Pavel beams.

His parents beam back.

“Wow, that’s great!” Hikaru realizes he’s beaming, too.

“Glad your _hard work_ is paying off,” his dad says. The emphasis is likely for Hikaru’s benefit, but right now Hikaru can’t care.

“Yes.” Pavel nods. “Especially since my parents and I have talked about me staying here for university. The situation at home is…” Pavel looks down, folds his napkin. “… concerning. It is best for me to not return, right now.”

“I agree.” His mom is also nodding. “You’ll be much safer here.”

Hikaru joins in the nodding. Of course, his reasons are far less altruistic.

 

 

 

They end up back at Jim’s, like old times. Only it’s Pavel’s place, too, now. One of the Fast and the Furious movies is playing. They’re not paying attention.

“You sure you want to do all that,” Jim swings his arms, sloshing beer on himself, “again?”

“Still not sure the knee will be up for it, but if it is, and the physiotherapist is optimistic, then I’m definitely playing baseball.”

Pavel sits up from where he’d been curled against Hikaru. “Oh! I will get to see you playing the small ball game!”

Jim chokes on his beer. McCoy actually laughs. Out loud.

Hikaru chokes on _his_ beer. He’s never heard McCoy emit such an obvious sound of amusement before.

Pavel looks simultaneously bewildered and amused. Bemused.

“Er, yeah, _baseball_ ,” Hikaru emphasizes. “The best game ever. The game of skill and teamwork.”

“The game of the small balls,” McCoy says, raising his glass as if giving a toast.

Jim laughs and slaps Hikaru on the back. “Don’t worry man, we’ll be there cheering you and your small balls on.”

Hikaru shakes his head.

“Oh, _balls_ , I get it!” Pavel exclaims, triumphant.

Hikaru kisses him on the cheek, and mock glares at McCoy and Jim. “You guys are the worst.”

“You just want to be one of the jocks again.” Jim shakes his head, face the picture of tragedy. “The king of the school.”

He grabs Pavel’s hand and squeezes. “Nah, I already am.”

 

***

 

This is the year Hikaru plays sports again.

When he realizes Jim Kirk may be the best friend he’s ever had, or ever will have.

When he kisses a boy at the school dance.

When he comes out to his parents, and the world doesn’t end.

When he feels invincible.

This is the year Hikaru falls in love.

 

[the end]


End file.
